A Wawasworld Valentines Day

You've probably wondered what Wawasworld has been up to the past month, so I'll run through it quickly before we get onto my very special Valentine's post (Love is in the air, isn't it?):  Superbowl party, Poker night (10 people in my room!  Even 2 chicks were in here . .  . of course, not with me, but hey, you take what you can get!), The Arcade Fire concert, and some other show I can't remember.  That basically sums up the last month.  Sure, I'm probably missing a few details, but hey, I'm not here for details.  I'm here to entertain. 

So here is a quick rundown of what Wawasworld did on his Valentine's Day, and I'll cover this from when I got home to the end of my favorite show, 24 (dare some people to say Wawasworld's favorite show is the OC, but I claim that I watch that just for the chicks).

6:55: Walk through the door, need to whiz really badly, run to the bathroom.  Wonder if this is how a romantic valentines day night starts for most couples?

7:00: Phew .  . . that was a loooooong whiz . . . and speaking of whizzes, here is my favorite headline from last week: Tom Sizemore fails a drug test by using a fake penis.  I am able to catch the beggining of 13 going on 30, starring Jennifer Garner.  It dawns on me that my date for tonight is actually hotter then 85% of America's men.  Let's ignore the fact that she's on TV, not actually going out to dinner with me, and probably wouldn't touch me with a 10 foot stick.  If I just keep telling myself "she wants me, she wants me, she wants me . . . " maybe it'll come true.

7:10: I'm hungry.  I go for the chunky monkey in my fridge just as Jennifer Garner's character treats her future love like shit.  Hmmm . . . Watching a stupid love story while eating Ben and Jerry's?  Nah . . . . that can't be cliche or slightly gay. 

7:25: Jennifer Garner's character suddenly finds herself 17 years later as a 30 year old grown up.  Strange. . . I too find something grown up when I see her in her lingerie.

7:55: Mark Ruffalo makes his first appearance in the film.  He wonders what the grown up Jen Garner is doing on his front step after not seeing her for 17 years.  I wonder where my masculinity has gone in the last 17 minutes. 

8:15 to 8:25: Random scenes of Ruffalo and Garner falling in love, yadda, yadda, yadda . . . I start to turn my belt into a noose and wonder if it would handle my weight if I hung it from the ceiling.  Alas, it does not, and I instead end up with a really bad back ache as I go crumbling to the floor. 

8:35: Garner gets cheated out of her dream gig by one of her conniving co-workers.  I scream "that bitch!" at the television.  Convinced that my transformation to a chick is complete like Jeff Goldblaum in "The Fly", I proceed to put on a Pearl Jam CD to bring back some of my manhood.  Alas, the first song I hear is Last Kiss, a song about lost love.  Dear God, is that a tear running down my face?  Once the transformation is complete, there is no turning back.  I need more chunky monkey.

8:55: It all turns out ok for Jen and Mark!  Yay!  And my Chunky Monkey is just about finished up.  I still have five minutes to surf the web for naked pics of Jen Garner (I'm sure this last phrase will get a few hits under a google search) until "24" begins!  God, isn't Valentine's day the best?

9:00: My search for naked pics of Jen Garner comes up empty.  But I did find alot of photos of Jen and Ben together.  Whoooo hoooo.  24 begins . . .

10:00: I'm tired of this post.  Here's a quick synapsis of the last hour: Bauer gets hit by a car, doesn't get hurt, a nuclear fallout happens, terrorists threaten to do bad things etc.  Once you've seen one hour, you've seen them all.  I again try to hang myself from the ceiling, but my roommate has come home before I can try, and I don't want to embarass myself trying to hang myself with J. Crew sweaters strung together in a rope.  That would be deemed odd behaviour, wouldn't it?  The night ends with me searching for naked pictures of Elisha Cuthbert, now that she's off "24," I seriously miss her.

And that's a complete rundown of Valentine's day in Wawasworld.  Enjoy your roses and chocolate!