wawasworld

Vince Neil Gets Married!

Well, clearly this is Surreal life week in Wawasworld, because on Tuesday Vince Neil got married to long time girlfriend Lia Gheradini (and I think it's a little presumptious for me to say long time girlfriend.  In the disposable world of metal, that could mean like 4 months).  This is nothing unusual, considering that Vince has been married 4 times, but what's most unusual is who officiated the wedding: MC HAMMER (I'd call him Hammer if I actually respected him and his wishes, but whatever).  Since Wawasworld is known for presenting exclusive behind the looks, we snuck in and got a look at the nuptials.  Take a look:

MC Hammer: We're here on this glorious day to celebrate the union between Vince and his beautiful bride, Lia.  Before we get started, I just want to tell you about meeting Vince for the first time.  When we met on the surreal life, he was a mess.  Lazy, drunk . . . it was ugleeeee.  And now, from the grace of God, he has been saved by this beautiful woman. 

Vince: That's beautiful, man (takes off gay hankerchief and dabs his eyes).  You remember when we got loaded and dunked Emanuel Lewis in the toilet?  HILARIOUS!

Emmanuel Lewis: HEY!

Vince: Sorry, Dude . . . Let's get this show on the road!  I can only stay in this stupid pose for so long. 

MC Hammer:  Ahem . . . Do you, Lia, take this man to be your lawfully wedded Husband, to have and to hold through even more plastic surgery, failed Motley Crue reunion tours,  relapse into alcoholism, and finally, divorce?

Lia (In deep manly voice): I do

MC Hammer: Do you, Vince Neil, take Lia to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold through badly needed breast reduction, even further botox injections, and a failed foray into acting?

Vince: I Do

MC Hammer: Before I declare you Husband and Wife, do we have any objections to this union?

Jim Carrey: HOLD ON, BUSTER!!!!  I object!!!!

Vince: Jim, WTF are you doing???  You're going to ruin my wedding!!!!!

Jim Carrey:  Vince, you're about to make a huge mistake!!!  (Runs over to the couple and hikes up Lia's skirt . . . )

Jim: . . . . EITHER THAT'S A MAN OR THAT'S THE WORST CASE OF HEMORRHOIDS I HAVE EVER SEEN!

Tommy Lee (Spits and Wipes Mouth): DUDE!

Vince: OH MY GOD!  Is that why when we had all the lights off, you said it wasn't dark enough in here????

Lia: Ummmm . .. .

Hammer: I am not pleased . .  . as a man of God, I can't condone this freak show marriage . . . I'm going to have to kick your ass now

Nikki Sixx: PLEASE HAMMER, DON'T HURT 'EM . . . 

(As if I was going to end this post without one joke  about Hammer's music career???  Come on .  . .)

And they lived happily ever after . . . I love this images thing . ...

File Under: "You Don't Say" and "What The Hell Were They Thinking?"

You were probably expecting a post with cool pictures and graphics now that I can put that stuff up?  Well, you'd be wrong!

Whoa!  How did Kate Hudson's IMDB picture get in my blog???  (I had her on my mind today after the Black Crowes announced that they are getting back together for 5 shows at the Hammerstein.  I blame Yoko Hudson for breaking them up in the first place!  What can I say?  I like my rock derivative)

Enough about my new rock driven, graphics heavy blog.  It's been awhile since I've gotten any links that have driven me to get angry to post about it, but lo and behold, I got 2 links today:

1. The U.S. government announces that by eating less and exercising more, you can lose weight!:  What?!?  This can't be true (and by putting the lose weight link in there, doesn't it sort of have that junk e-mail hotmail feel to it?).  Next they'll tell me that if I eat MORE and Excercise LESS, I'll gain weight.  That would just be silly, right?  If only Carnie Wilson had got this information sooner before she put her fat ass surgery on the internet.  So many people could have been saved . .  . sigh

2. Kid Rock is thrown off George Bush's inaugaration bill: Our favorite southern fried rap/rock artist was thrown off because of . . . gasp . . . offensive lyrics!   Who does the research and bookings for such events?  What doesn't fit here: Hillary Duff, JoJo (WhoWho?) and Kid Rock?  I even heard that Kid Rock was going to start off the show by serenading Hilary Duff with this little Ditty:

Hey, yo, ho!  Hillary, you may be young at heart and y'all, but like my daddy said, if there is grass on the field . . . .LET'S PLAY BALLLLLLLLLLL!  Cause I'm a Cowboy baby . . . 

Yup, that would have went over great with the catholic coalition.  Good Times, Good Times .  .  . (That'll be the phrase now when I don't know how to finish a post.  It's so versatile!)

The Surreal Life: Wawasworld

After finishing 24 and The Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Sexes, Wawasworld caught VH1's the Surreal Life: Season 4. (and having those 3 show names probably just got me some more teenagers to the site). Unbelievable cast this season: A failed female wrestler, Peter Brady, America's Top Model, A male supermodel, A GO-GO, Mini-Me, and Da Brat (who got so pissed off at her manager for putting her on a show with "has-beens"  Da Brat, haven't you seen the show before?  And also, weren't you already in a video with Mariah Carey?  You've been in the has-been business for a looooong time already).   Now while I love having a failed Go-Go on my TV screen every week (and wouldn't the failed Go-Go be Charlotte Caffey, who had a serious heroin addiction?  I digress . . . again), Wawasworld had a better idea for the Surreal Life.  Since Wawasworld likes to think ahead, I already have a cast in mind for next season:

Pat Sajak (Host of Wheel of Fortune. . .um . . . duh): My Dad would be dissapointed if I didn't put on his favorite star on my Surreal life discussion.  I think he's a perfect fit for the show.  While Wheel of Fortune is still on, it hasn't been relevant since the B.A Baracas was busting heads on the A-Team.  And let's be honest about this . . . is there much difference between telling a midwestern housewife to spin the wheel and telling a former b-list TV actor, such as . . .

Tina Yothers (Family Ties): . . . to take out the trash?  Nope.  And while we're at it, why don't we add another former Family Ties actor to the bunch, shall we?

Courtney Cox (Family Ties): She's married to David Arquette and she acted with David Schwimmer and Matt LeBlanc.  She's been b-listing it for a while now.  She'll feel right at home with my crew.  And besides, how heartwarming will that first scene between Tina and Courtney be as they reminisce over the good old days over a bottle of chianti?  Oh, that Meredith Baxter Birney was such a prankster!

NHL Star Sergei Federov: It's a B-list sport, he dated a B-list athelete (Anna Kournikova .  . . and no, she is not b-list hot), and he's got alot of time on his hand with the NHL lockout.  Why not?  Also,  who wouldn't want to see a Russian dude utter the sentence: "Courtney and Tina?  3-way with Sergei, nyet?"

Joyce Dewitt (Three's Company): You always need one bitter former sitcom star on the show (Please see Dave Coulier and Gary Coleman).  Well, Wawasworld is reaching for the Stars!  No sitcom star is more bitter then Joyce Dewitt, who continues to hold a grudge against Suzanne Sommers for leaving the show, even 30 years later.  We can tottally build an intervention episode where Suzanne visits and they work out their problems. 

Jake Steinfeld (The Body By Jake Guy): Can you say perfect?  He had a stupid 80's workout show, he had a brief scene in Coming To America (Cabdriver) and he can help the final cast member . . .

Wawa (Wawasworld): . . . get in shape.  I've always wanted to share a hot tub scene with Joyce Dewitt and Tina Yothers.  It would be hotter then the classic Threesome from Real World Las Vegas . . . HOT!

And there you have it kids .  . . Wawasworld super (mediocre) seven.  WB, I'm waiting for your call!  (Oh, I'm trying something new with the pics . . . this is my first foray into graphics.  Bear with me until I can figure out how to edit photos.  I know you wait with baited breath (did I use the right baited?)

The Final Straw: Brad and Jen

Unless you live under a porn store (which, btw, was directed by the creator of WKRP in Cincinatti!!!!), you know that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston have broken up.  Rumor has it that Brad wanted to have a child and that Jen wanted to continue her career.  Wawasworld sources have confirmed this story to be TRUE.  In fact, we have footage of that fateful, final night in the fabulous 14.5 MILLION Dollar home that they used to share (why did I put MILLION in capitals?  Austin Powers jokes are so '99).  Let's take a look:

(Brad's posing in the mirror)

Brad: Honey, honey . . . come quick . . . I just moved my left pectoral up and down!  I've been working on that stunt for weeks!

(Jen in bed reading US weekly)

Jen: That's nice, honey.  Shit . . . I didn't make the cover this week!  Stupid Lohan bitch. That's 4 freaking weeks in a row!!!!

Brad: You know what would get you back on the cover?  If you made those pregnancy rumors true. . .

Jen: BRAD!  We talked about this . .  . I need to rebound from Along Came Polly first, then kids . . .

Brad (Still posing): Listen, sweetheart, these guns aren't getting any younger (kisses arms).  Baby, I got a biological clock . . . .and it's ticking.  Tick, tick, tick, tick . . . boom, boom, dynamite . . . boom, boom, DYNAMITE! (kisses arms again)

Jen: Kids, this, Kids that.  I gotta career.  Leprachaun 1 can't be my finest movie  moment ever!!!

Brad: Oh yeah!  Check out those abs! (Punches himself in the stomach) ROCK HARD!  You wanna punch me in the stomach Jen?  You wanna take a turn testing out this stomach?  Huh?

Jen: We were talking about kids

Brad: Oh, right.  You see Angelina?  You see how happy she is with baby Maddox?  It's oh so cute . . . JUST LIKE MY BACK!  (Turns around to check out his back)

Jen: That's it.  I knew you had something for Angelina!!!  The rumors are true!!!!  I'm done with you, you narcissitic bastard . .  .

Brad: That's cool . .  . You'll be back on the cover of US this week, no problem.  Now, where was I?  (poses again in front of mirror)

Star Wars, Nothing But Star Wars . . .

Christ, it's been a long time since I've posted.  I'll probably post a few things about what my December was like, what I've seen, and how one girl's hair will never be the same.  It is a new year, right?  It's time to start thinking about a direction of where I want to take this money making machine I like to call Wawasworld. 

To start the New Wawasworld Year, my buddy Shawn sent me this link to someone who may be slightly uncooler then me.  Hmmmm .  . . I have a few thoughts on this guy:

1)   He lists himself as Star Wars fan 1138.  If you're willing to wait in line for 5 months for a Star Wars movie, wouldn't your number in terms of fandom be lower? You'd think he'd be at least number 3 or 4, right?  He has alot of comments on his site, which probably means someone has pointed this out to him .  . . which brings me to his reaction to his comments . .  .

2) His anger towards the commenters isn't very Jedi-like, now is it?  I'm guessing he's seen all of the movies . .  . um . . . more then once.  I'd guess that some of that Yoda shit would rub off on him.  Alas, it looks like only Darth Vader's dark loving got all over him.

3) Who's uncooler: The fat guy who did the jedi sword fighting thing and was caught on tape or the guy who waits 5 months outside the theater to see Star Wars?  I'll take the guy waiting 5 months.  It takes a certain amount of bravery, creativity and stupidity to tape onesself air swordfighting and posting it on the net.  If you don't know what I'm talking about . . . well, you're out of luck.  I don't have the link.  I should have it eventually.  Maybe you chumps should check the site next week. (EDIT: Shawn came up with the Fat Star Wars Kid Link . . .Enjoy)

And well, that's my thoughts for this week, I guess.  Oh . .. one other thing . . . Wawasworld presents the creepiest looking couple EVER  Wow!  That is one scary looking dude .  .  . and Vince Neil doesn't look much better.