You're my friend, Mr. Buffet

In Wawasworld today, some of my co-workers and I went to a local Japanese sushi buffet. I'm kinda feeling it right now, but hey, that's the price you pay for all you can eat goodness. As a result of my trip through the land of gluttony, I decided to collect some of the key details of the buffet experience and pass it on to my readers:

1. What does the word Buffet really mean?: I have no idea, but my friend Stacey came up with this acronym:

wawa: What does Buffet stand for?
Stacey: BIG UGLY FAT FUCKERS EAT TWICE
wawa: Oh
wawa: My
wawa: GOD
Stacey: haahhahahaah, that's WHAT THEY SAY!

No words have ever been so true . . . which brings me to my next point . . .

2. Hot chicks don't go to buffets, and if you do see one, savor the moment: This just makes sense. If you're watching your weight or you really care about your body, why the hell would you go to a place that has fried shrimp that works out to be about 8 cents a pound??? You wouldn't. Cause it's bad!!! I did see one hot chick today, and I had this pleasant exchange with my co-workers:

Wawa: Wow . . .you see her? No fat on her . . . what's she doing here?
Co-worker: Wawa, I think she heard you

See? Savor the moment.

3. You better have more then one plate . . .. and make sure you get the dessert!!!!: What's the point of going to a buffet if you're going to just have one plate? Christ, for less then $13.95, you can go to a deli and get "just" a hoagie. Embrace the buffet. Be the buffet. The buffet is like being a citizen of the USA: Love it . . . or leave it!!!! (I'm not sure how that fits, but it just does).

4. Don't taste the food while in line: hehehehee . . . I break this rule all the time. My brother at a Vegas buffet one time said to me: "Jesus . . . can you wait to get back to the table??? I've seen how you eat chicken wings. . . .that shit goes splattering everywhere!!!" And he's right. I realize buffets have those little plastic guards to protect such things from happening, but what if you're a short person? That plastic guard is going to protect nothing! Your head is right at the buffet, so once you take that bite of that Jalapeno popper . . . .BAM! Jalapeno right back from where it came from. Just something to think about. (yes, I really think about these things)

5. If it looks scary, it probably is scary: Some of the food has been sitting out for awhile, and well, isn't so fresh anymore. You take your chances at a buffet at a buffet, of course, but sometimes you just don't have to be so risque'. If the Fettucinni Alfredo doesn't look so good, well it probably isn't (and I don't want to go into detail .. . but I know!!!!)

So hopefully, those 5 points about buffets help you out for the next time you decide to enter the land of gluttony. As a first time buffeter, you should start small at like a Sizzler and slowly work your way up to something like the Rio Buffet (THE GREATEST BUFFET EXPERIENCE OF MY LIFE!). Hope these tips help.

Comments

[Jordan]

Hilarious!