Congratulations, Boston Red Sox for a job well done this month. Of course, not only did you open up the pandora's box of rioting when you beat the Yankees, but hey, let's see if we can riot one more time when we win the actual World Series! Surprisingly, the people of Boston were relatively calm about the whole thing. Which is what they were suppossed to be! Like Fight Club (First rule of Fight Club, NEVER TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!) their are rules to rioting. And Wawasworld is here to present some guidelines for the Riot Act:
1) You can't riot twice in one postseason/championship year: Sorry, Boston, no flipping over cars and setting property on fire the second time. Rioting once in a postseason is entertainment . . . rioting twice is just plain uncivilized.
2) Once a person dies, you lose your rioting rights for at least 10 years: After what happened to that poor girl who got hit with a beanie bag, you really don't have the right to party too hard.
3) Don't burn cars worth more then 10k during a sporting riot: It's probably waiting to be put out of it's misery anyways. Go ahead. Burn the mother . . . DOWWWWWWWWWN!
4) Only 2 people to a lamppost, please: We all know those things were only meant to hold 2 people . . . duh! Anymore would just be dangerous.
5) For the cops, Tear Gas ONLY: These aren't terrorists. Probably some punk kids who don't know how to act. If you fire the good old fashioned tear gas, no one gets hurt, and the crowd gets dispersed. Sounds like a good time to me!!!
Bonus Rules: Some of you read this and are probably thinking about civil unrest riots (like Rodney King). Those are the most fun! That's when you can loot. What's says more then "F you for taking away my civil rights" then "Shit, I'm going to break this window at Best Buy and steal me a TV!" Um . . . TRY NOTHING! I've got some rules for those as well:
a) Burn cars over 10k: You're just sticking it to the MAN then. Lexus, Hummers, Mercedes . . . all fair game. SEND A MESSAGE TO THE POLITICIANS!
b) Don't use your fists to break glass: Um . . . OW! I'm sure you can find bricks or rocks laying around. Those work best.
c) When stealing that Television or electronics good, don't be afraid to ask for help: Those things are heavy! Never be afraid to ask your fellow rioter/looter for a hand carrying that brand new Sony.
And those are my rules of rioting . . . use them wisely.
It's fabulous. I must admit I like the bonus rules the best though. It's much more fun to destroy valuable things :)
Posted by: Tracy | October 28, 2004 at 08:26 AM