What's In A Name?

Just this weekend, I found out that a pair of wawasworld's friends were having a baby. Wawasworld loves these guys to death, so congratulations to them. But this got wawasworld thinking: What do you actually name a child? You'd think it wasn't a big deal, but it reminds me of an episode of WKRP in Cincinatti that I remember from my childhood. Let me set the scene: Jennifer (Loni Anderson) introduces her new boyfriend to Les Nessman (Richard Sanders):

Random Boyfriend: . . . I think a name says alot about a person. A person's strength, what their all about. That's why I love my name: Bret. It means something. It says who I am. What's your name?

Les: Um . . . Les . . .

(awkward silence)

EXACTLY! That whole interaction says it all. I mean, Christ, that show defined what names represent: Herb, Les, Johnny Fever . . .uh . . . .Gordon Jump . . . but I digress. Anyways, yes, a name does say alot about a person. So as a gift to my friends, I've come up with a list of names to try and especially avoid:

1) Warren: Does Wawa sound like the most masculine nickname in the english language? Exactly

2) Destiny, Brandee, Nomi: Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . what the hell is Nomi? Nomi is the name of Elizabeth Berkeley's character in Showgirls Not to mention, it's a stupid name to begin with (sorry if I've offended all my readers named Nomi). But what about Destiny and Brandee? What's wrong with those names, Wawasworld? Well, those are both stripper names, along with Nomi. Tell you what, here's a test for you to take: Say the phrase "Now dancing centerstage (INSERT NAME THAT YOU HAVE IN MIND AND SAY IT LOUD!)" and if the name sounds like it fits too well with that phrase, dump it. It's no good.

3) Apple: Generally, fruit should just be avoided. I'm not sure what Gwyneth and Chris Martin were thinking. Let me get this straight: You wanted to name your child after a fruit, BUT NOT EVEN A SWEET FRUIT!!?!? What about Cherry or Strawberry? Oh . .. those names fit way to well with the term "Now dancing centerstage . . . "

4) Jarvis or Jeeves: I'd rather give my child a stripper name then these names. At least strippers don't have to answer to a bell when it's tea time. Have you ever seen a butler on TV or in the movies not named Jarvis or Jeeves? Oh wait . . . yes you have . . .

5) . . . Benson: But he eventually became the deputy mayor, so that name gets a free pass! Then again, a butler becoming deputy mayor? Riiiiiiight. God, I love how TV makes the stereotypes, yet breaks them all at the same time!

So as a gift to my friends, those are my 5 suggestions. Don't spend my gift all in one place, you crazy kids!

Comments

[Pammy Anderson]

I like to name my kids after characters on my favorite TV show of all time, other than Baywatch, of course. So far, I've got Brandon and Dylan...I hope to have a Kelly or Donna next!

[STEW]

EAT ME!

[Stevie]

Hey Pammy,
Since you now have Hep C nobody is going to blow their load inside your hot body. On yes, inside no.