wawasworld

Phish

Wawasworld doesn't hate very much in this world. I'm a kind, gentle and understanding person. The one thing that I do hate, however, is the music of Phish. And it's not even the music, but it's what they stand for: that stupid hippie crap that I thought died with the Grateful Dead in '95. Well, alas, my dreams have finally come true. Phish has announced that they are breaking up after there last show this summer

I know what you're thinking: "But Wawa, how can you be against free love, irresponsibility, not showering, drugs, and dancing?" Actually, I'm not really against any of those things. But what the hell . . . if that shit dies with them, so be it. No, no, I have specific reasons for hating that stupid band. Back in '95, I was just a wee lad living in the dorms of Buffalo. My annoying quadmate and a buddy of his went to a Phish show. Here is a quick transcript of what went down when they returned:

(Loud knocking at my door)

(Wawa slowly rises from his comfortable slumber)

Wawa: What? It's 4:30 in the morning! What do you want?

Quadmate and Sidekick: OPEN THIS DOOR! WE NEED TO TALK TO YOU! IT'S URGENT!!!

Wawa: Seriously?

Quadmate: YES!!! IT'S IMPORTANT!!

Wawa: Goddammit . . . alright

(Gets up, opens door)

Wawa: Ok, what is it????

Sidekick: Wawa . . . Have you ever thought about what this all means???

Wawa: Huh? What does what mean?

Quadmate: Exactly

Wawa: I'm lost

Sidekick: You know, me and quadmate went to the Phish show, and we dropped some great acid. And it mixed with the power of the music. I've . ..

Quadmate: We've . . .

Sidekick: Right . . . We've . . . never felt so enlightened

Wawa: Please go away. I want to go back to bed

Quadmate: Wawa, have you ever thought about the meaning of life?

Wawa: Um . . .

Sidekick: Well, we've found the meaning of life!!! It was in the music!!!! It mixed . . . IT MIXED!!!

Wawa: WTF? Dude, I'm begging you . . . please . . . go away

Quadmate: It mixed . . .

Wawa: What mixed?

Sidekick: The music and life. Music is life . . .

. . . And this went on for another 3 FREAKING HOURS!!! I got a discertation on how beautiful life was, how great fucking Phish was, and how I was going astray. Ugh .. . If those bastards never went to that goddamn show, I would have my 4 hours of sleep back. God . . . Well, Phish will soon be gone, and millions and millions of unguided youth will never find the answer to life. And that's a good thing.

The Bachelor

On Wednesday night, Wawasworld got roped in to watching the finale of "The Bachelor" at his parents house. Needless to say I was surprised that a hot blond lawyer would fall in love with an NFL Quarterback, albeit a mediocre one. WHAT? HOT GIRLS LIKE RICH, GOOD LOOKING MEN!?!?!? This is a shocking revelation. I couldn't believe it. Well, Wawasworld has found out that ABC had already started recruiting for next seasons bachelor and he decided to try out for the show. Take a look:

ABC Executive: Name?

Wawasworld: Filet Mignon, because I'm the finest piece of meat. . .rowwwwwww . . . .

ABC Executive: Um . . .Name?

Wawasworld: Uh . .. Wawa

ABC Executive: Occupation

Wawasworld: Marketing Executive

ABC Executive: You're a Marketing Executive?

Wawasworld: Oh, did I say executive? I meant director

(ABC Executive eyes me suspiciously)

Wawasworld: Alright, Alright . .. . Manager

ABC Executive: Where is the rose that we asked all of our contestants to bring with them?

Wawasworld: What rose?

ABC Executive: The Rose? You know, so we can see how you'd look for our Promo's and commercials?

Wawasworld: Oh right, right . . . Um . . . I couldn't afford one

ABC Executive: You couldn't afford one?

Wawasworld: Nope. Christ, I could barely afford the gas to get over here.

ABC Executive: Well, did you bring a flower of any kind? We really need to see one . . .

Wawasworld: Of course I brought a flower! Don't ever say I don't come prepared (Pulls a Dandelion out of jean pocket) And look! It has 25 petals on it . .. Watch . . . (Starts pulling petals slowly one by one) . . . She loves me? Oh, no, no, no (waving finger in the air) . . . she loves me not . . . She loves me . . . oh, no, no, no . . . she loves me not . . . Now if that's not photogenic, watching me pull petals from a dandelion, I don't know what is.

ABC Executive: (sigh) What makes you think that you'd be good for the bachelor?

Wawasworld: Well, I've been single for a very, very long time. Who knows more about being a bachelor more then me????

ABC Executive: What special qualities do you think you bring to the table?

Wawasworld: I can be an even more mediocre NFL Quarterback then the last guy that you had in here. Also, I can write really, really bad poetry and feel comfortable reading it on television, while at the same time, understand that millions of people think I'm a fool. So basically, I have CHARISMA!

ABC Executive: Anything else?

Wawasworld: Um . . . my cousin is William Huang. He could be the spy girl on the show just like this season! Ooooooh . . . Can you say Crossover magic?

ABC Executive: Well, Wawa, I don't know if you're bachelor material. I think we can find a spot for you somewhere on reality TV.

Wawasworld: Oooooh . . . . what do you have in mind????

ABC Executive: Barbara, get Fox on the phone. I think we got someone for the Swan . . .

The More You Ignore Me, The Closer I Get

2 week hiatus. Feels nice. Got a nice tan . . . kicked back and well . . . got writers block, and forgot that I had anything interesting to say. Not that I ever have anything interesting to say. Regardless, here is a quick update of some of the things I've thought, seen and heard in my 2 week hiatus:

1) Morrissey: Saw him last night at the Apollo theater. Pretty good, actually. Much better then the first time I saw him, when 8 gay guys ran up at different times and kissed him. Kinda creepy. Highlight of the night: My Heart is Full (or something like that . . . not so good with Morrissey titles). Oh yeah . . . a little bothered that he didn't play the More you ignore me the closer I get. I always pictured that he was singing that song to me!!! Um . . . nevermind.

2) The O.C. Finale: Not bad. The episode the week before was better, because you got to see Kirsten's sister and Julie Cooper duke it out in a pool. Now that was HOT! One problem: Seth crying like a little bitch that Ryan was leaving the O.C. for his knocked up ex-girlfriend in Chino. Rules to live by: Dudes do not cry over other dudes when they leave . . . especially when they are moving 30 minutes away. Seth, its called the metro. Hell, you're rich enough to have a car!!! Give me a break. Seth, you're the glue of the show. Don't act like a whiny girl.

3) "What am I going to do now that Friends isn't on???": I heard that in the cube over. I felt like throwing a stapler at the person who said it. I missed it, but from what I'm hearing and reading, I didn't miss much. Ross and Rachel get together! YAY! That's as anti-climactic as me at a Morrissey concert . . .you just know it's going to happen.

4) Sleater-Kinney: Saw them 2 weeks ago. Awesome. Dig me out was my favorite moment of the night. Big difference between the Morrissey crowd and the Sleater-Kinney crowd. One has a bunch of gay guys and girls who like gay guys . . . .while the other has riot grrrrrls and hipster guys. Guess which one is which? What the hell was I doing at either of these shows, now that I think about it? Bring on the gay commentary, unoriginal bastards!

And well, that's it. I have a couple of things to cover on Monday, such as Michael Jackson's appearance on the old Steven Bochco show "Cop Rock" That should be fun.