wawasworld

Mary-Kate and Ashley Come to NYU!

This piece of news must have the blogging universe abuzz: Mary-Kate and Ashley decide on NYU I wish I still worked down on Astor, right outside of NYU. Oh well . ..

This item got Wawa's World thinking: Why would any super billionairre twins want to go to school? And what exactly are the Olsen Twins? Are they Actresses? Businessgirls? I'm totally lost. And then I was going to write a piece on there first day at school, but to be honest with you, they aren't in the press that much for me to actually grasp what they are like! I mean, I could go to there website and try to piece a story from there, but it would just seem disingenuous. And god forbid, Wawa's World ever come off as disingenuous.

So I've decided, over my 2 week break, I am going to study up on the Olsen twins and write a nice little piece about them when I return. Have a good holidays, kids!

Am I a Music Nerd?

Have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you've just seen (AND NO, I DON'T DO THAT EVERY DAY!)? Well, today, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. And then I took the Music Nerd Test and I hated myself even more.

I scored a 46.13527% - Super Music Nerd

Some of the more embarrassing things that I feel that I can admit to:

1) Traveled to another city to see a concert (as if you haven't figured that out)

2) Accidentally bought an album twice (actually, I did this 3 TIMES with Stone Temple Pilots Shangri La Dee Da. Long story.)

3) I wear Concert T-shirts . . . regularly (Here's a good story for you: In Queens you can have your laundry dropped off and done for you at a ridiculous price. When I picked up my laundry from the guy, he said: "Big Pearl Jam fan are you?" This got my female friend worried about the guy looking at her underwear, but I digress).

4) I quote Musical Lyrics in everyday conversations. Christ, I quoted an entire PJ song in a blog comment just yesterday. Good times

Take the quiz. It's long, but I'm sure you'll find you have a tad of music nerdiness within.

Nyquil Hangover

Like Jefke, Wawa's World has been battling a nagging cold. Usually when this happens, I'll grab some tylenol and drink about a gallon of Orange Juice. I tried that tactic at the beggining of this cold, but it just seemed to hang around for a couple of weeks. So based on Jefke's posting and musings from my co-workers (and if you've seen where I sit in my office, I actually don't talk to my co-workers that often), I decided to jump on the nyquil bandwagon.

As the weeks have passed by, I now fear that I have become Rush Limbaugh addicted to painkillers, but instead, my drug of choice is nyquil. Monday, I took it, and bam, I was out like a light. Then Tuesday, again out like a light. And finally, last night, I took it again after finishing last nights episode of the O.C. (and if anyone watches the show, who wouldn't want to swing with the mother of the show??? HOTTTTTT), and again I was out like a light. I think you get the picture. But an interesting thing is happening today: I feel like I'm floating around on a cloud. My head is spinning and I'm exhausted. I think my body desperately wants that cool knockout feeling of Nyquil. This development has tottally freaked me out!

Like my rockstar buddies Scott Weiland and George Clinton, I have a distinct feel that next time I'm driving, I'm going to be pulled over by some cop who will notice that my car is swerving side to side. I can just see it now: "Sir, we smell the Nyquil gelcaps on your breath. Please step out of the car" Since I'm quite familiar with addictions (Smoking, gambling, pornography), this is one habit I can do without. So I ask my readers the following questions:

1) Can you get addicted to nyquil?

2) Am I being paranoid?

3) Who knew nyquil could feel sooooo good?

Horrendous Flashback

Sometimes in life, you just have those moments that are just so horrible that they just pop in your mind at completely random times. So, since I have nothing to discuss today, I'm going to write about the time that I "cockblocked" my buddy back in college from hooking up with a girl. If you are not familiar with the term, a "cockblock" is when you stop your friend from getting action by saying or doing something stupid. This is probably my most infamous moment.

Let me set up the scene for you: Back in my freshman year of school, I did not have a Television in my room (stunning, isn't it?) So I would often watch Television in my neighbors room. Pat, my neighbor, was ok with this, unless something was going on. Here is what happened "when something was going on" and I didn't notice:

Wawa: Hey Jill and Pat, what's going on? Say, it's awfully dark in here. Lights kind of low, don't you think? Can I watch TV?

(Pat and Jill on bed)

Pat: No. Leave.

Wawa: Oh you guys. Such kidders! (Warren sits on chair to watch TV)

Jill: Say, Wawa, wouldn't you want to watch that somewhere else?

Wawa: Don's at class. His rooms all locked up.

Pat: Wawa, leave.

Wawa: Oh stop. It's not like you guys were doing anything. Seriously, what could you possibly do with it so dark in here?

Jill: Uh . . .

Wawa: In fact, I think I'll turn the lights up a little higher. Man, I can't focus on the TV when it's this dark. I think it's your TV, Pat. You may need a new one.

Pat: Wawa, I'm begging you, please leave. PLEASE!

Jill: I better go, Pat. I have some work to do. (Gets off bed).

Pat: But (Door closes) uh . . . Dammit! (Slams hand in pillow)

Wawa: Man, what's her problem?

And that my friends is my classic cockblock story. I will have musings tommorrow.

A Santa Wawa Christmas

This past weekend, Wawa's World came across 2 Christmas specials on MTV and VH1: A Kid Rock Christmas and The Osbournes Christmas. A quick review: Kid Rock's consisted of a concert and a dinner with special guests such as Hank Williams Jr., Leann Rimes and Jesse James of Monster bikes or something like that. Not bad. Concert footage was entertaining, I guess. Ozzy's Christmas had all the A-listers, though. Jessica Simpson, Tracy Morgan, Ashanti and some other big names. Quite impressive, but quite painful as well.

So this got Wawa's World thinking: Why don't we have a Christmas extravaganza taped in November as well! That's right, Wawa's World recently taped his annual Christmas show on November 3rd for the UPN network. Let's take a look at this exclusive footage before it airs:

(Wawa dressed as Santa by the piano) Santa Wawa: Wow! All these big stars at my house for the Holidays. Look, there's J-lo and Ben kissing under the mistletoe. And wait, who is that I say bearing gifts for all my guests? It's Jessica Simpson! And there's Britney, Sharon Osbourne, Eddie Vedder . . . and Oh My God! IS THAT KIRK CAMERON!?!?!?

Kirk: Well, hello Wawa!

Santa Wawa: Merry Christmas, Kirk. Have you been a good boy for Christmas?

Kirk: Well, not that good if you've seen my wife! (nudges Santa Wawa-cue laugh track)

Santa Wawa: hahaha . . . you are so right! Say, Kirk, would you like to sing a song with Santa Wawa?

Kirk: Why certainly! What do you want to sing?

Santa Wawa: How about Silent Night? C'mon, J-Lo, Ben, Jessica, Britney, gather around the piano!

Kirk: I just want to say hello to all of our troops in Iraq. Come home safe! Siiiiiiilent Niiiiiiight . . . .

Santa Wawa (Playing Piano): Hooooooly Niiiiiiight. All is calm all is bright . . .

Kirk: 'Round yon virgin Mother and Child . . .

Santa Wawa: Holy infant so tender and mild

Kirk: Sleep in heavenly peace

Santa Wawa: Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace, Sleep in heavenly peace . . . (silence at the end of piano) Wow! (Tears welling) That was beautiful

Kirk: Yeah. That was nice. You've given me so many years of Internet joy, Santa Wawa. Thanks for having me tonight.

Santa Wawa: No, no the pleasure was all mine. Ladies and Gentlemen, KIRK CAMERON! (Guests clap as Kirk leaves the piano and fades into the audience).

Santa Wawa: That was fun? But you know what would be more fun? Hey Jessica Simpson, what would be more fun then duetting with Kirk Cameron?

Jessica Simpson: What would be funner?

Santa Wawa: Why don't you and me go outside AND MAKE SNOW ANGELS!

Jessica Simpson: That would be funner!

(Pan to shot of Jessica and Santa Wawa making snow angels with Santa Wawa and Jessica Duetting on Jingle Bells in the background)

Fantasy Football Press Conference

Moderator: Coach Wawa has now arrived at the podium. He will be with us for 15 minutes. You can start asking questions now.

The Sporting News: What were some of the critical errors from this playoff game that contributed to your loss?

Coach Wawa: I don't know if there was just one thing. Defensive errors by the Atlanta Falcons. Me starting Corey Dillon ahead of Brian Westbrook. Donald Driver finally showing up as a player, yet sitting on my bench. But I'll hand it to "upset special" They came out and showed the heart of a champion.

Field and Stream magazine: What's the best way to clean and gut a 20 lb. bass?

Coach Wawa: Use a quarter inch knife to gut, and rinse and wash for 10 mins. Next Question.

Sports Illustrated: What are your thoughts on the remaining playoff teams?

Coach Wawa: (Going Mora) PLAYOFFS? PLAYOFFS? I'M ONLY WORRIED ABOUT NEXT YEARS DRAFT! Next question.

Playboy: How do you respond to the rumors that Coach Fabin sent hookers to Chris Chambers room before last nights game?

Coach Wawa: I can't comment right now. All I have to say is that Chambers missed curfew and will be fined accordingly.

ESPN.com: How do you respond to your guarantee of a Fantasy Football Title before the playoffs?

Coach Wawa: I was misquoted. I guaranteed a Consolation Bracket title. Get your facts straight before you come in here.

Hustler Magazine: Do you have any naked pictures of Brenda Warner that you would like to sell us?

Coach Wawa: We'll talk after. Next Question.

CNNSI: How is Chris Chambers after the huge hit he took in the 3rd quarter?

Coach Wawa: She's doing just fine

ESPN.com: How do you respond to the rumors that you will be stripped of your GM title and be left to just coach?

Coach Wawa: Listen, if I'm going to be doing the cooking, I should get to choose my groceries.

Street & Smith PFW: How do you feel about the consolation bracket championship?

Coach Wawa: It's about pride. And listen, some players are playing for their jobs next year. Yeah, great, we're the greatest fantasy football team never to win a title. Whooo hoooo. It means nothing. We have to go out and evaluate which players will be kept around.

ESPN.com: How do you feel about Brett Favre?

Coach Wawa: (Going all Vermeil) He's like a son. (Tears welling up) The way he responded to Manning throwing 5 TD's, and him coming out and keeping us in the game like that. (Tears flowing) Like a son, Like a son. I can't go on with this conference anymore. Thank you.

Moderator: Randy Moss will be here to answer your questions next.

Weekend Review

Not much going on today. Went to a Christmas party on Saturday. Watched Football on Sunday etc.

Hmmmm . .. I don't even have anything to complain about today. Maybe tommorrow?

Tell Me More, Tell Me More, Did she put up a good fight?

We've all been there before: Your friend had a date the night before or a couple of weeks ago, and you always ask how it went. Or in laymen's terms: Details. Now that this country has been all "Sex'd in the City," we can't seem to get enough of these sordid details: Was he very big?, Were her boobs real?, did she go down on you?

I for one am like Jerry Seinfeld: "I think I'm a little too old for details" I mean seriously, do you really want to know how your friend bumps uglies or gets his or hers groove on? And even worse, what if it's a married couple or a boyfriend/girlfriend talking about details. Dear God. Who wants to picture that? Now that my imagination is all grown up, and I have these details, whenever I see these couples together, I can't help but think about them naked and doing it. It's one thing to have the understanding. It's another to have the confirmation.

Maybe I'm old and curmudgeon, but at some point in life, the details just didn't really interest me anymore. It's enough just to say: "Hey, I got lucky last night with her" or "Yeah, I'm the MAN!" (Although, I hope never to have a friend egotistical enough to ever say that). But this got Wawa's World thinking about when Details became unneccesary and kind of ill inducing. Below is a chart of what "details" entails through a life span:

Age 10-13-So which girl do you like and did you kiss her at the oak tree? Details, my man!: Ah youth and naivete. Such a simple time. You like a girl at this age, and then you get with her, it just means you're riding a bike together to the mall or something simple. Nothing involved with this. Just the getting to know the birds and the bees feelings. I think this is when Kevin Arnold and Winnie Cooper got there original groove on during the "Wonder Years"

Age 14-17-So how far did you get with her? Did you get to 2nd base? or did you score? Details, my man!: This is where it stops being so innocent. Now you're talking about getting Mandy in the backseat and having your way around the "bases" Oh yeah, this is where asking for what base you got to suddenly becomes a reality. I figure at this age, you want the whole kit and caboodle in regards to details: about what happened in the car, your parents bedroom (yes, I know scumbags who took there girlfriends into there parents bedroom . . . um . . . ewwww), etc. But of course it's hidden within the context of those stupid bases of 1st, 2nd, 3rd etc. And why the hell is it the bases? Couldn't it have been a cooler sport, like football: "Did you kick a FG, or did you get to the endzone? Were you forced to punt? How was your field position? Did she have a tight end?" Hopefully, one day, I can revolutionize adolescent sex details.

Age 18-27- Did you bang her? Details, my man.: Finally, succinct details. Just ask, and everything comes pouring out. No more hidden innuendos about bases, no more nonesense. Straight for the money shot. And at this point, this is where you get ragged on the most. For example: "Man, I can't believe you banged that fat chick. You pick a fold and go with it?" At the previous 2 levels, it was impressive just to get any girl/guy, no matter how she looked. Sure, we may have thought they were ugly, but Christ, you were getting action. Now, at this age, selectivity has taken place. So be careful about what details you give out for the type of person you're with!

Age 27-on: Look, did you hook up with her? Do you see a future with her? Ok, that's enough. No more details, thanks!: Yup, that's it. 27 on is where I draw the line of what I want and need to know. If I've seen the girl, I'm pretty sure I can figure out what she would be like in bed or whatever. At least I can picture her naked. If I haven't, sure, maybe I'll ask what she looks like. But if I get confirmation from one of my buddies about her style or tact, it just . . . just . . . ruins everything. Again, I don't need to picture my buddy going at it. Not neccesary. I mean, unless your freaky, is it really much different from the thing you heard when you were in college? Probably not. I'm just too old and bitter to care that much. I mean, the only details I really want to know at this point is whether or not your going to see that person anymore. That's plenty.

One Caveat: If it's a Three-way or something extrordinary at age 27 that happens, then yes, details would be fine. I'd like to know if the lesbians kissed etc. . . But that's the only time at this point.

Wawa's World is now mine!

I'm now legit. No longer under the tyrannical rule of jefke.com. So for all of your useless knowledge and insight, go to www.wawasworld.com! Whoooooo hoooooooo!

Inclement Weather

I don't have much to say today. I think with Jefke talking about being sick in Maryland, I have caught a cold over the internet reading his site. Ugh. .. but another thing angered me today on my way to work.

WHY THE FUCK EVERYTIME IT RAINS IN THIS GODDAMN CITY DOES IT TAKE ME AN ADDITIONAL 45 MINUTES TO GET TO WORK?!?!?! Is the city not prepared for a little rain? Does it not have trained professionals to deal with this problem? IS MY $4.00 A DAY COMMUTE NOT PAYING FOR FUCKING RAIN PROOF WIRING AND TRACKS THAT DON'T BREAK DOWN WHEN A LITTLE WATER HITS! IT'S DAMN WATER! WATER! DO YOU HEAR ME?!??!?!?!?

It's lunchtime as I'm writing this, and I'm still f'in angry. It's been a miserable, miserable day. Damn the MTA to hell!

At least Pettitte has left the Yankees. I feel better about that.