« October 2003 | Main | December 2003 »
WTF? co worker don tipped me off that somethign is amiss in the world of wawa, and indeed it's true...the site had regressed to august. and well people that aint good.
after i recover from the 6.5 hr drive from CT and the huge martini i mixed meself, i'll try to figure out what happened
How Mandy Moore and Wawa Deal with Life
Article provided by The CollegeBound Network
She's versatile. He's Chunky. She's Intelligent. He's Stylish. She's Hip. She's Mandy Moore and He's Wawa!
We caught up with Mandy and Wawa to find out how they deal with life, fame, and simply being 2 of the most in-demand teenagers around.
Q: Where did you attend high school?
Mandy: I went for my first half to Bishop Moore High School (Orlando, FL). Then I did an extended studies program to finish out high school with a tutor.
Wawa: I want to a special-ed clown high school in East Orange New Jersey. While there I learned classic bozo the clown school technique on blow up animals and how to deal with large women.
Q: You both said you aspired to attend New York University to major in journalism. What's the latest?
Mandy: I still have that dream, but I've been spending so much time on the West Coast and I love it out there. Even though I still dream about going to NYU, I don't think I could deal with the brutal winters, but I still want to go to college. I think the beauty of school is you can go whenever you want. There are so many things that interest me out there that I'd like to learn more about. For me, going to college would be furthering my education and having fun and maybe studying musical theater, journalism, or American history.
Wawa: NYU rejected me. They read this blog and were completely disgusted. I think the admissions officer said something on the lines of "You can't even tell the difference between their and there. How exactly are you going to write at the finest journalism school in the world?" My response was: "I think you overrate your value in the literary universe. Let's be honest, Felicity on the WB made NYU look alot cooler. Or was that University of New York? Hmmmm. . . "
Q: How do you feel about the SAT? Do you think it's a fair test?
Mandy: There are cases in which people are extremely intelligent but aren't great at taking standardized tests. I was never a fan of the test, so I feel like maybe we shouldn't base [things] so much on just an SAT score. Then again, who am I to speak about it?!
Wawa: Mandy wasn't a big fan cause she didn't know "How to Deal" Man, am I witty. I think the SAT's are racially biased against large polynesian high schoolers. I think there should be an investigation.
Q: You did some MTV Spring Break shows. How was it hanging out with college students?
Mandy: I've been doing MTV Spring Break since I was 15, but it was different this year. We filmed in Miami, FL, and a couple of my friends who attend the University of Miami wanted to come and be in the audience. It hit home for me that if I were in school, this is probably where I'd be. But the more I thought about it, I said to them 'Listen, I'll level with you... I'm not a big partier, night-owl, going-out-and-clubbing type of person, so Spring Break's not really my bag.' When I go down there I do my job and have fun, but as soon as that's over, I'm on the next flight home.
Wawa: F Mandy. I stick around and revel with the tanned hotties at Wet T-shirt contests at Hooters while I'm there. People don't realize this, but I was Randy of the Redwoods back in '90, so I'm still a big celebrity down there. (MAN, I MISS THAT GUY!)
Q: How are you staying "brain smart" since you graduated?
Mandy: Honestly, one of my New Year's resolutions was to pick up a book more often. You get so caught up in doing other things, and now that I'm finished with school, I feel like my brain has turned to mush. I have to find something that keeps it fine-tuned. After a year of freedom, no homework, and no essays, I have to find that discipline again. My boyfriend was laughing at me just the other day because I said I wanted to go to the bookstore and get one of those little vocabulary workbooks.
Wawa: I think the book that Mandy actually picked up was "Cat in The Hat" instead of the vocabulary workbooks. She said she liked the pictures.
In terms of what I read, I read US Weekly. That keeps me magazine-smart
How to Deal... with Stardom
Q: What's your biggest pet peeve now that you've been in the industry awhile?
Mandy: People who don't take others into consideration. We were at a restaurant once and heard this guy screaming at the waitress that his toast wasn't toasted enough. I don't like [people who] are intolerant--whether it be of race or religion or sexual preference. It really gets me going.
Wawa: But the bitch didn't toast my bread long enough! My biggest pet peeve happens when people don't recognize me. I shouldn't have to make reservations at Spago.
Q: How are your parents reacting to all your success?
Mandy: They're actually very supportive of what I want to do professionally and personally. They're always around and [have] a big hand in all of my decisions.
Wawa: My parents think I'm a failure, which I don't understand. Isn't going to 32 Pearl Jam concerts, being single, and living in Queens enough for them?
How to Deal... Mandy's Advice for You!
Q: What advice do you have for teens?
Mandy: Don't stress yourself out too much about school or figuring out what you want to do at 17 or 18 years old. (I asked my 17-year-old brother if he knew what he wanted to do, and he hadn't decided!) Don't set limitations for yourself, you have the rest of your life to do whatever you want. You don't have to do one thing your whole life. Chill out and relax and enjoy this time--it's the most fun, so take it for what it is.
Wawa: Um . .. I hated my teens, and honestly, it gets worse from there. So, uh, try and enjoy it? Watch Office Space. You'll understand how bad it can REALLY get.
I was in Philly/Baltimore/Virginia/DC this weekend. A very tiring and odd journey for only 2 days, but here is the rundown:
1) White Stripes. Eh . . . they're ok. He needs stage banter, and all the songs kind of sound the same. Which is good and bad, I guess.
2) I fell down in Baltimore. Jefke.com tells it better than I do.
3) I'm really tired.
And that's it. I had a better blog written out, but Movable type wouldn't save it properly. Piece O' Crap.
With the recent arrest warrant being issued for Michael Jackson, Wawa's World is confident that Jacko won't be able to beat the rap this time. So we've jumped into the specially built Wawa Time Machine, to take a look into Michael's first day in jail:
Warden: Number?
MJ: Michael Jackson . .. heeee heee
Warden: Boy, you're just a number around here! Number?
MJ: 24789-789. Is there a pediatric section, so I can entertain the children?
Warden: Boy, that's what got you in here the first time. This isn't Neverland anymore
MJ: You know you never get older in Neverland. I'm a 12 year old boy stuck in this body.
Warden: I won't go there. You'll be bunking with Inmate 747838. Bubba Ray Johnson.
MJ: Maybe we can bunk together. You know I like to sleep with little boys.
Warden: Bubba Ray ain't so little. Now, do you have any questions, before we hose you down?
MJ: Yes. Can my Llama and my giraffe come and visit on visiting day?
Warden: No
MJ: Can Tito and Jermaine send me care packages? You know Jermaine was always the brains of the group.
Warden: No. Any more questions?
MJ: Just one more. Can I have my dermotologist finish my skin while I'm here? I'm so close to being full albino. Or my plastic surgeon? This pesky nose is so useless. I mean, do I really need to breathe?
Warden: No, no, and no Guard, take Mr. Jackson to his cell. I'm sure Bubba Ray will have a field day.
Ah . . . sweet, sweet justice.
This is a direct quote from a page 6 article I was reading about Rosie O'Donnell's production of "Taboo"
"The talk on Broadway is that she is going to lose her shirt," the American source said. "The show costs over $500,000 a week to run. Last week - its opening week - it only took in $320,872.49 for seven performances. So Rosie has to pay the rest of the costs out of pocket."
Dear God. I will go to the show to make sure that she doesn't lose her shirt!
Eh, I wasn't sure what Wawa's World should cover today: Britney's new album out ("In The Zone"), Meatloaf collapsing from the flu in London (I just really like the headline. I hope the Loaf is ok, though), or my black Sunday losing in Fantasy Football.
Since all 3 suck, I will choose to say nothing. That is all.
Over the last 2 years, I've heard many success stories with Online dating services such as Match.com and J.Date.com (Jewish dating services). Before I dive into doing this, I'll recount some of the success stories:
1) I know someone who got married from this service.
2) I know someone from J. Date who met a Catholic girl looking for a Jewish guy to give her some loving. Actually, right before he . . . ahem . . . gave her the sweet motzah ball loving, she told him to put on a Yarmalkuh! (Spelling, I know).
3) I know someone who has met a really "nice guy" through Match.com (daw, how sweet!)
Wow! This looks foolproof, right? Um .. . not exactly. In Match.com, you leave yourself to be open for e-mails from suitors. Take a look at this gem my friend sent me from one of his/her ads:
Hey there,
My name is Joe & I found your ad very very interesting. Now I don't know if you get a lot of responses or not but I would really really appreciate it if you at least responded back so I know that you read it even if it's a short reply saying that you read it & you'll either reply again later with more stuff to say or that your not interested. I just hate it when I reply to ads & don't get one response back. I don't know if it's what I'm saying or for the fact they get a lot of responses & only reply to the few selected ones that really really look exciting to them. I've had my ad on the net for at least 2 years or so & have yet to get anything going so I'm thinking I'm doing something wrong so I don't know what to say because I'm afraid that I'm wasting my time again trying to meet women when I could be doing something else that is actually useful. I've tried different types of responses & none of them are working. I've change my ad(still being the truth) trying to see if I could get a response from a female but still isn't working. I feel like giving up & deleting my ad because I'm paying money to even have the ability to e-mail women which so far is a waste of money.
Well, I hope you don't think I'm weird or scaring you in anyway it's just that I'm so different then most guys that are out there. I'm not into going to bars or strip clubs like a lot of men do. I would actually die a happier man if they totally outlawed alcohol. I don't mind drinking every once and awhile when I'm out with friends but I will never get drunk nor have I been drunk in the past. I don't try to make myself out to be something I'm not or think with my dick(excuse my French) like most men. I think with my brain. I have morals which most young people today don't have or probably don't even know what that word means. Well, I hope that you don't think I'm feeding you a line of bullshit(excuse my french again) which basically you'll never know unless you get to know me personally. I don't know if you tired of reading my response to your ad so far so I'll tell you about myself which is probably more interesting to you than the stuff I said above.
Ok, I'm 28 years old, 5 feet between 8 to 9 inches tall, have short brown hair(butch haircut), some say hazel eyes & others say green eyes & weigh about high 150's or low 160's depending on what weight scale I'm standing on. I'm into sports like Running, Tennis, Bowling, watching football(Giants), playing & watching Golf, Skiing, Ice Skating, Rollerblading, Volleyball, Basketball, Kayaking, etc. I'm into movies, music, enjoying life the fullest by joking around as much as possible but being serious when need also. Well, if you want to know more about me then I can e-mail you again with more info but I would like you to ask me first so I know that I'm not wasting my time tell you about myself when your not interested at all.
Later or not,
Joe
Needless to say, she didn't reply to my . . . I mean, Joe's E-mail. Using this guys format, I've decided to create my own model for how I write to women online. I've decided to write only the blandest most meaningless ads from women, who show the clearest sign of desperation (and no, this doesn't mean all women online dating, which is now a completely acceptable way to date!):
Dear (Name)
Hi! My name is Wawa's World. I read your post, and to be honest, I'm not impressed. However, I'm not an impressive person either. Well, look at that! I figured you hadn't got many replies to your ad, so I thought I would swoop in on your loneliness and get myself some action. I'm lonely too, and this has led to years of . . . um . .. loneliness. I like Pearl Jam, Portland Trailblazer basketball, and fat lonely girls. Please reply, Please reply, Please reply . . .
Desperately Yours,
Wawa's World
The girl keeps extending and extending her 15 minutes of fame. Not only is she infamous for that sex tape with scumbag Rick Solomon, but suppossedly she's spread her wealth to the ladies now. It turns out that our little heiress hooked up with her best friend after her birthday party in February. What makes it hooter . .. whoops .. . hotter is that her best friend is a former Playboy Playmate, according to the New York Post
Since Wawa's World is known for it's investigatory journalism, we called a few sources, and got our hands on this even hotter tape. Don't worry, next week Wawa's World won't talk about Paris, unless she's got hot and heavy with an aardvark:
Paris: (sigh) My boyfriend Josh is so mean. How could he break up with me. I'm so lonely.
Nicole: How lonely are you?
Paris: Very, very lonely
Nicole: Oops, my top fell off
Paris: Wow! So did mine. Do you want to get it on?
Nicole: Mmmm-Hmmmm. . . .
(cue porn music)
What's left for the girl to do? Hmmmm . .. Nikki Hilton, anyone?
Last night, Wawa's World took in the Guided By Voices concert in Brooklyn. Usually, I would leave such a band to the hipster universe, but I must say they write catchy tunes, so I decided to go. I was not dissapointed. One thing: Everyone was raving about the drinking prowess of Bob Pollard, the lead singer, and I thought to myself: "Self, he couldn't possibly drink as much as people say he does." Wawa's World was in for a big surprise. Here is a blow by blow account of last nights show:
10:02: GBV comes out to loud cheers. Pollard stumbles out on to the stage. He looks like what a gym teacher would look like if they decided to become a rock star: Fat, bloated, with slightly bushy hair. Clearly he is already hammered. He slurs something into the microphone: "Brooklyn? New York? Where the hell am I? Let's Rock"
10:05: Pollard grabs his first beer.
10:07: Pollard grabs his second beer. Starts to also swig from a bottle of Jack Daniels. Says something to lead singer of the Strokes who's in the audience: "I see you. I see you. I seeeeeeee you!"
10:09: Pollard grabs his third beer, takes another swig from bottle of whiskey. Rants about how easy it is to make a record (It must be, since people have told me he has like 500 records): "You practithe, you play, you record. F'in eathy. You practithe . .. you play . . . you record. F'in eathy!" Stumbles and slurs a song title at the audience. At this point, I believe I'm starting to get drunk, and I haven't had one beer.
10:15: Slurs something at audience. Oh yeah, another thing: GBV writes really really short songs. We're at about song 15 right about now.
10:20-11:45: More slurring. More beer. Story about how his father hit him in the eye with a fork.
11:45-12:45: Funny story: Audience member leaps up to the stage and starts singing with Pollard the drunk. Security does nothing. He hangs out on stage for a little bit. Audience member lights cigarette. BOOM! Security is on him like White on Rice. Pollard the Drunk slurs: "hahahaha . . . Only we can smoke. We're (incomprehensible). F you. We're (incomprehensible)"
And the show ends. I think I heard about 60 songs at about 2 mins. each. The rest of the time, they were drinking or ranting about something. Honestly, I Pollard alone had like 20 beers and a bottle of whiskey. Usually Wawa's World is used to big arena shows that are organized and finished in a timely and rehereased manner. No such thing last night. Man, I want to start drinking at work.
Wawa slurs: "F you. That report will be on your desk when I thay tho!
The last couple of weeks have been out of control with Rock Stars releasing greatest hits albums. I have to admit, I've gone a little crazy myself. I've bought the essential Springsteen, Pearl Jam's B-side collection (This is better than any greatest hits collection), STP's greatest hits, and Peter Gabriel's greatest hits. Oh yeah, R.E.M.'s singles. All classic stuff, and all stuff I needed for that one song I didn't own.
But then you have your B-list artists having greatest hits. Seriously, do we need a Gin Blossoms greatest hits? They have 2 albums for God's sake!!! Sheryl Crow? Big seller, but again, only 4 albums (and her cover of Sweet Child of mine might be the worst crime ever committed to tape).
All this B-side madness got me thinking, though: Wawa's world has a sea of really cheesy greatest hits collections in his stack. So let's take a look at some of my scariest "greatest hits":
1) Genesis's Greatest Hits: Yeah, yeah, "Aren't they one of your favorite bands?" Yes, they are. But I'm honest with myself: I can't dance, Invisible Touch, and That's all are some of the chessiest singles ever made. I'm a completist, though, so I had to have it. I was a bigger fan of the longer compositions. You know: The songs that are like 20 mins. long. As I get older, the attention span tends to wane, so they aren't as interesting anymore.
2) Toad the Wet Sprockets Greatest Hits: I love it, ok? Walk on the Ocean, All I want, All Fall Down. All Fall GREAT! Plus, they had a midget drummer. That so rocks.
3) Cory Hart's Greatest Hits: Just wanted to see if you were still paying attention . . . although, I do believe this does exists.
4) Heart's Greatest Hits Vols. 1 AND 2: I'm not sure why I bought Vol. 2. This is what I call "Behind the Music" purchase. During the late 90's, I got sucked into this show, and every time I saw one of these, I would go running to the store to buy the greatest hits of the artist being profiled. Heart rocked in the 70's when the dark haired one was thin and agile. Alas, she is now big and grounded. Wait, that's me, I think? Another example of Behind the Music madness . . .
5) The Go-Go's: Greatest Hits: I'm sorry, props to these ladies. They were as drugged up and as vile as Motley Crue ever was. Belinda Carlisle even talks about masturbating on a tape and then sleeps with a groupie on the same tape! She's a precursor to the Tommy/Pam Anderson tape. Who doesn't love Vacation, We got the Beat, Head over Heels etc.?
I think I've officially hit rock bottom. I'm sure to hear gay commentary in the comments section
Recent Comments