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Wawa's World will be taking the day off tommorrow to play babysitter to my little niece. We're going to see the Wiggles, which is not good. I should have a weekend review on Monday:
1) More gambling stories
2) Giant/Jet game
3) The Wiggles experience
I know you can hardly wait!
Last night, after the season premiere of "24", I sat down to watch 2 shows on MTV. First was "The Real World" and I think Wawa's World love of this show has been well chronicled. After that, there was a show called "Rich Girls" starring Ali Hilfiger and Jamie . . . um . .. I don't know. Someone rich, I guess.
Wawa's World is really sick of rich and famous people getting their own shows. I mean, The Osbournes, The Nick and Jessica show, and now these 2 girls. AND THEY'RE NOT EVEN FAMOUS! I have a proposal for them: I found a pair of trailer park girls from Maryland for a new reality show called "Trailer Park Girls" I think this will be a huge hit. Take a look, as Pam and Bambi, the Trailer Park Girls prepare for there East Columbia High Prom:
Pam: Dang, girl, where'd you get that prom dress?
Bambi: From K-Mart. It was there blue light special. I tore the shoulders off to show more skin.
Pam: You look so se-xy. I heard that it's gonna be a special night for you.
Bambi: Yeah, Billy Joe and I are going to consumate our love for one another. I ain't been with another boy since my cousin JT last week.
Pam: Yeah. It'll be interesting to sleep with a cousin from your Mom's side this time
Bambi: No Kidding. Better yet, I hear that his '75 Chevy Nova seats go all the way back! JT's only went 3/4 down
Pam: Dang, why didn't you just use the backseat?
Bambi: As if, Pam. That's like, soooooo slutty!
Pam: You think Tammi Fae and Bobby Joe are going to go all the way?
Bambi: Yeah, I hear there going to keep the baby. He's gotta good job at the Wal-mart shipping. Dang girl, tonight's gonna be fun!
Man, those Trailer Park Trash girls look like they have all the fun. MTV, my lines are open if you want a piece of this action!
Wawa's World has gone postless for the first time in weeks (not counting weekends, of course). I think this weather is dragging me down. It's 5:17 when I write this, and it looks like it's goddamn midnight! Christ.
Wawa's World got an exclusive luxury box ticket to Game 6 of the World Series. Take a listen to Steinbrenner and Cashman at the end of Game 6:
Brian (Sweating Profusely): Um . . . I guess $163 million doesn't buy what it used to, huh, boss?
Steinbrenner: How did this happen?
Brian: Well, that's tough to say, Boss. I mean . . .uh . . . Giambi hurt his knee. Jeter's banged up. And well, Zim has that Hemmerhoid problem. I think it flared up after he attacked Pedro.
Steinbrenner: This is tottally unacceptable. I don't seem to get the problem here. We have a 72 year old man on our bench, just like them. We have a Latin catcher, just like them. I'm lost on this. Heads are gonna roll.
Brian: Well, they fielded better than us, pitched better than us, and hit better than us. I mean they were just better.
Steinbrenner: Maybe if Jeter wasn't carousing all the time . . . nah, that can't be it. That joke has been made too many times. Hell, McKeon even used it, and I don't think he can remember what he had for breakfast most of the time.
Brian: May I make a suggestion?
Steinbrenner: Other than the one where you said I should spend an exorbiant amount of money on a bunch of no-talents like Boone and Wells?
Brian: Well, I think you should get out one more blank check and send it over to the Commissioners office to have this series overturned. I mean, it worked in '98, '99, '00. Bud's grown a backbone the last couple of years, but maybe he'll accept our money like he did in the past. Good idea, no?
Steinbrenner: Get Selig on the phone. What's another $163 million among billionairre owners?
Here's the schedule for Wawa's World for this weekend:
1) Drive my Dad to the airport at 5 AM tommorrow morning: I got this news last night, and needless to say, I'm not happy about the time that I have to drive. Yes, I'm ungrateful. Shut up. Here is how my Mom asked me:
Mama Wawa: Wawa are you coming home tommorrow?
Wawa: Wasn't planning on it. Do you need me to?
Mama Wawa: Oh, so you're not?
Wawa: No. Why?
Mama Wawa: Just asking, that's all. Your father is leaving Saturday morning to go to Denver.
Wawa: Ok? Do you need me to take him to the airport?
Mama Wawa: No, no . . . that's ok. He can't find a limo service in time. So I don't know how he's going to get there. You know I don't like to drive to the airport.
Wawa: This is painful. JUST ASK! Christ, I'll take him to the airport.
Mama Wawa: Here's your dad.
Wawa: NO!
Papa Wawa: Wuh . . .you take me airport. 5 AM, Saturday. See tommorrow night. (click)
Pain in the ass!
2) If I can muster the energy, I'm going to DC, I hope.
3) Watch the Yankees lose
And that's about it. Good times!
Wawa's World has to be honest with its faithful readers: I'm getting really tired of writing obituaries about fallen b-list sitcom stars. Look at the people we've lost from TV recently: John Ritter, Fred Berry and . . . uh. . . well, that's it. I figure to most people this is merely a minor piece of news that would get buried in the middle of the New York Post. Not to Wawa's World. Characters like Jack Tripper and Freddie "Ree-run" Stubbs represent my childhood as a latch-key kid! If my parents weren't there, Ree-Run, Dwayne and Rog certainly were.
And don't act like you had a life, either. 5 PM-7PM was represented by such shows as Facts of Life, What's Happening, Different Strokes, What's Happening and a sea of crappy 70's and 80's sitcoms. You know exactly what I'm talking about.
So in honor of Fred Berry (Freddie "Ree-Run" Stubbs) dying, Wawa's World presents what he actually learned from What's Happening:
1) No Roger, No Ree-Run, No rent: By far my favorite catch phrase from any sitcom. When Rog and Ree-Run are threatened to be removed from there apartment, the tennants in the building join up to stop the tyranny of the building owner. The last scene of the episode was an asian guy who says: "No Roga, No Ree-Run, No rent!" I thought it was my Dad talking.
2) Credit Cards are Bad: Ree-Run gets a credit card and goes on a humongous shopping spree. Little does he realize how much he has actually spent. The end of the episode has Ree-Run putting the Credit Cards into a blender that he had purchased with the credit cards! Oh, the irony. It's a shame I never actually paid attention to this credit card lesson, considering how in debt I am. What's Happening. Ahead of its time!
3) The Doobie Brother Episode: THE CLASSIC EPISODE! Who else but Ree-Run could stop a concert with his smooth moves and dropping of a tape recorder? You remember the scene: He dances, drops the recorder, Doobies stop and point at him like he's a fat pig. Um . . nevermind. By the way, who dances disco style at a Doobie Brother show? This is where I learned that bootlegging is bad. I think the Seinfeld episode where George becomes a film bootlegger is lifted from this episode.
So, Rest In Peace, Fred Berry. The Sizzler has a place all set for you.
Today is the 13th anniversary of Pearl Jam's first concert at the Off-Ramp in Seattle. Oh yeah, it's also the birthday of one of my friends, but you already know I'd drop all of my friends for a concert, so that is of little consequence. So, for this momentous occassion, Wawa's World presents his 10 greatest personal PJ moments of his life:
10. Front row in San Sebastian: I think I touched Mike McCready's guitar during the solo of "Go" A highlight of a rather lackluster show, but I'll never be that close again
9. Seattle '00 Night 2: Just a great evening. 3 hr. show, last night of the tour, and in Mecca of Pearl Jam.
8. Constitution Hall '98: Gloria Steinem was there!!!! Oh yeah, first and only time I have ever heard "Push Me, Pull Me" live. Smallest place I've seen them as well.
7. Randall's Island '96: First time seeing Pearl Jam. Show was not so good, but I just remember it started raining harder during "Black" on the last verse.
6. Hartford '98: The riot show. Security was roughing up people, so Eddie told us to rush the stage. Just interesting.
5. Boston '03: The longest show in Pearl Jam history, with a special acoustic set. It felt a little hurried (trying to beat curfew), but hey, longest show ever still. It lacked the magic of the final 4, though.
4. Philly 1 '00: Best setlist I had ever heard up until that night. Among the Pearl Jam fans in the know, no one actually talks about this night. Odd: Red Mosquito, Breath, Tremor Christ. Just a great show.
3. MSG '98: This used to be number 1, but my favorite memories are all from the 2003 tour. Eddie climbing the rafters like it was '92, guest appearance of Ben Harper, Breath being played for the first time in 4 years. I think this is where the sickness really began
2. Penn State: End of tour (first leg). 3 1/2 hour show. First attempt at Satan's Bed in 7 years. Exhausted afterwards.
1. MSG '03: Amazing Setlist. Biggest fanclub show ever (8000 members) in the most historic arena. Ben Harper appearance. The crowd was so loud, that we shook the stage. Show was so good that they actually are making a DVD out of this show.
And that's my Top 10 PJ moments of my life (it's not actually a life, it's an existence)
Wawa's World flew to London last week to get exclusive coverage of David Blaine leaving his glass box, after 44 days of not eating (Christ, if you were in London, would you want to eat? Bangers and Mash, anyone? Anyone?):
Medic: Dear God! I haven't seen this much weight loss since Chili Con Carnie Wilson.
David Blaine: Need . . . a . . . taco
Model Girlfriend: 44 DAYS!!! YOU PROMISED ME MAGIC IN BED!!! 44 DAYS OF NOTHING!!!
Medic: Maam, if he has sex now, he will die
Model Girlfriend: Listen close, David. We better be getting it on within the next 24 hours, or I'm going back with the guy who revealed all those magic tricks on Fox. I don't want to have to do it, but believe me, I will.
David Blaine: Need . . .Food. Where ... Am . .. I?
Medic: You'll be ok. You're in a state of shock. Just take a deep breath
David Blaine (Pulls out playing Cards): Pick . . . A . . . Card. Any .. . Card
Medic: My God, man. This is no time for magic tricks.
Model Girlfriend: I have a card for you, David. It's a joker. Cause that's what you are. Bastard.
David Blaine: Do . . . you . . . want . . . to . . . see . . . me . .. levitate?
Medic: Jesus, get him out of here. He's gone mad.
Relatively productive weekend in the Wawa World:
1) Went to another wedding. It would have been perfect if I actually got to eat all of my Wedding cake, but it seems that someone got to it before I could. Hmmmm . . . Great Wedding, though. Food was awesome. Ceremony was done in 5 minutes, and really, that's all you can ask for:
You take him? Yes. You take her? Yes. Good. You're married. Get out of here now. Start drinking.
2) Physically ill after the wedding. You get the general idea.
3) And that's about it
I'm still a little tired today, so really I got nothing else to say. Maybe something on David Blaine later. Wawa's World has some exclusive footage from him leaving his cell in London.
Skin is the brand new show brought to you by the fine chaps over at Fox. I'm really excited, because the executive producer is Jerry Bruckheimer. He's known for such fine films as Armegeddon, Top Gun, and Days of Thunder. When Bruckheimer is the Producer, it means only entertainment for the rest of America.
As a Wawa's World exclusive, we got a chance to view the creative process behind this soon-to-be hit show on Fox. Let's take a look as Bruckheimer spins his magic with his 2 head writers of this show:
Writer One: Okay, here's the premise: Son of D.A. is in love with Porn Kings Daughter. D.A. is trying to bring down Porn king. Romeo and Juliet stuff.
Bruckheimer: Brilliant. When's the explosion?
Writer Two: But sir, it's a love story. You know, star-crossed lovers?
Bruckheimer: Ok. When do I get to see the slo-mo panning when the explosion happens?
Writer One: Sir, there are no explosions.
Bruckheimer: Right. Ok, I have an idea for scene one. The two lovers are making out, and then a car explodes, knocking out a power line, that falls on a barrel of oil, that explodes. What do you think?
Writer Two: Well, I didn't think that was what we had in mind for this. We do have an all-star cast of Ron Silver and Kevin Anderson.
Bruckheimer: Kevin Anderson?
Writer One: He was the guy in Sleeping With The Enemy.
Bruckheimer: Was he the one who threatens to kill her? I like that guy.
Writer Two: No, he was the one Julia Roberts falls in love with
Bruckheimer: Eh . . . he's alright. I'd rather have the guy who threatens to kill Julia. I can picture him slowly, slowly, slowly, rising from a pile of ashes that surrounds him from a huge explosion of the secret government facility that the characters in Skin are forced to infiltrate.
Writer One: Uh . .. there is no government facility in this show. It's a simple love story with complications. That's all.
Bruckheimer: BRILLIANT! I LOVE IT! I have some ideas about love stories. . . Follow me, boys, we're going to watch Bad Boys 2!!! That should get the love story juices flowing.
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