wawasworld

Bob Hope: A Tribute

On the 3 day anniversary of Bob Hope's death, my dad called me up and said that he would like to take a moment and write a tribute for an American Treasure on Wawa's World. My Dad was a big fan of the Great White Hope, so I said, sure, go on ahead. Take a look:

Wuh . . . I come to wonderful country with nothing but bag of pharmaceuticals and clothes on back. I say, what a strange funny country? Wuh . . . Then I see Bob Hope Christmas special on NBC. I see laughter and joy he bring million of GI's and Ms. America's. I laughed, I cry, I thought this is what freedom was all about, away from the oppression of Thailand. Wuh . . . over years, I continue to follow career of legendary golf player, funny guy. I watch Bob Hope Christmas special EVERY year until 1994 (Fit of anger, I throw TV at Wawa. I digress). Wuh . . . Special man, I tell Mommy, Wawa, and his brother. My best movie of all time: Road to Morocco. I say "Bing Crosby and Bob Hope dynamic duo of 50's!" And his comedy. Wuh . .. .I laugh hard. "Take my wife, PLEASE!" I could relate, I could relate. Or was that Milton Berle who said that? Both dead. Same. Equal laughter. One complaint: Why no "Road to Thailand"? Mr. Hope, or call you Bob, since I think I know you, I miss already.

Wawa's Dad

Wawa's Top 10 Pop Icons

With all this talk about Pop Icons (VH1' Top 200 Icons):, I sat down and decided to think what would the top 10 Icons would be in Wawa's world? It's an eclectic collection. Take a look:

10. David Naughton-Singer, Actor, Love interest of Pam Dawber in My Sister Sam. What hasn't this man done? Started out in Heinz ketchup commercials, but sky-rocketed to fame with his little seen '79 sitcom "Makin It" Not only was the show a bomb in a good way, but the title song sung by Mr. Naughton skyrocketed his career further into the stratosphere. Unfortunately, suffered a career misstep with "An American Werewolf in London" But his work on Makin' It will never be forgotten!

9. David Bryan (Keyboardist of Bon Jovi)-With his red-hot keyboard introduction to "Runaway" in 1981, he singlehandedly rung in the era of hard rock excess with Bon Jovi. Hardly seen behind his keyboard due to his lack of height, but certainly heard in such songs as "Bed of Roses" and "Lay Your Hands on Me," there can truly be only one mainstream keyboard player: David Bryan!

8. Rex Hudler (Announcer-California Angels)-With the recent induction of Bob Ueker into the announcers wing of the hall of fame, this clearly shined a light on "Wonderdog" Rex Hudler. With a name that sounds like a porn star, and a cool nickname like "Wonderdog," this underrated former player and voice of the California Angels makes the term "Strike Three" hot again.

7. Todd Bridges (Actor)-With the opening chords of the Different Strokes theme song, it signaled in the dawning of a new era: The Todd Bridges era. If not making out with Charlene on the couch or protecting Arnold from the gooch, he was snorting coke off a hookers ass off of Hollywood Boulevard screaming "And it made me mad!" Truly a symbol of 80's excess gone awry.

6. Kari Michaelsen (Actress-Gimme a Break)-With her sultry blond hair and her innocent smile, you were quickly introduced to this star in "Gimme a Break" With Blond ambition, she overshadowed Joey Lawrence (Pop Wawa Icon 79) in this hit TV series. Later sick of Nell Carter's obesity, went onto the Hit TV movie with Gary Coleman (Pop Icon 122) "The Kid with a 200 I.Q." Now stars in "Where are they now?" on VH1

5. Clint Howard (Actor-Ron Howard movies)- While having zero acting ability, Clint rode the coattails of his famous director brother into major movie success. Seen in such movies as "Cucoon" and "Splash" while not actually having any lines, you can truly understand why Clint symbolizes nepotism at its greatest.

4. Dennis De Young (Lead Singer/Writer-Styx)-While writing such power ballad hits such as "Lady" and "Babe", Dennis led his band Styx into powerhouse status in the late 70's and early 80's. With Piano playing reminiscent of Liberace and a voice just as smooth, De Young was truly a star not soon forgotten. Domo Arrigato, Mr. De Young!

3. Joanna Kerns (Actress-Growing Pains)-While playing Maggie Seaver during the Mid 80's and early 90's, we truly understood what parenting meant through her watchful eye. As a career woman, we never saw her cook, clean or actually talk to her four children on the show, instead leaving her to the clearly incompetent father, Jason Seaver. A mother we could love: Left you in front of the TV to run amok. Later moved onto a career as the victim on various Lifetime movies.

2. Walt Hriniak: (Hitting Coach-Chicago White Sox/Red Sox)-Revolutionized baseball hitting as we know it today. With his gravely voice screaming at such players as Robin Ventura, Wade Boggs and Rex Hudler (Pop Icon #7), never have the words: "Keep your head down, and follow through as you swing!" sounded so sweet.

1. Scott Baio (Actor, I guess): Star of "Charles in Charge" and "Joanie Loves Cha-Chi", Baio was a man among boys in the acting community. Not only did he get to Pamela Anderson before Kid Rock, Bret Michaels, Tommy Lee etc, but he's also a person we could admire and respect for his charitable work with kids. Here's to you, Mr. Baio, NUMBER #1 POP ICON IN WAWA'S WORLD!

Larger Than Love

Haven't fat people suffered enough indignity? If it isn't Airplane carriers charging for 2 seats, it's McDonalds fattening up the kids of East Harlem. Honestly, being a "large" person, I feel fat people's pain. And having a large head like mine doesn't help. I digress.

But the most egregious slap in the face came at this weekends Bruce (Bruuuuuuce) Springsteen's concert at the famous Giants Stadium. While looking to purchase a concert T-shirt to chronicle my experience at this once in a lifetime event (well, 2 times in 2 nights, but whatever) I come across this T-shirt buying experience. Take a look into what it's like to live Chunky Style:

Wawa: I would like T-shirt number 6 in (lowers voice) XL

T-shirt attendant: (chuckles) Sir, wouldn't that shirt be a little, well, how do I be nice about this, snug on you?

Wawa: I'm wearing an (lowers voice) XL right now. It's a commemorative Red Hot Chili Pepper T-shirt from the 2003 tour. So cool.

T-shirt attendant: Right. That's what I meant about snug.

Wawa: Is this how you treat your buying public???

T-shirt attendant: I'm not just a "T-shirt attendant" but also a comfort manager. I think you'd feel a little more comfortable in an (Lowers voice) XXL. I mean, you don't want to be the fat guy in the little shirt do you???

Wawa: Dude, we're in Jersey at a Springsteen show. I imagine I'm not the only fat one in a little shirt.

T-shirt attendant: I don't like your tone of voice with me, Mister! You've just insulted my proud home state. (Grabs his Walkie) We have a "35er" here. I sense some violence coming. Need assistance, over.

Wawa: What's a 35er??? Code word for guy who's going to kick your ass for calling me "snug"?

T-shirt attendant: No. Since XXL T-shirts at this show cost $35 instead of the standard $32, we call "your types" $35ers. It's only appropriate.

Wawa: (sigh) Just give me the XXL

Parking: $15
Springsteen Ticket: $90!
XXL T-shirt: $35
Being called snug by a T-Shirt Attendant: PRICELESS

Straight Ear for the Lazy Eye

With the recent ban on smoking in bars, you come across some weird conversations while outside becoming "alive with pleasure." Well, I came across this little tid bit last night between 2 obvious sorority girls discussing one of the girls physical deformities: The lazy eye. When you see the words lazy eye, that only means one thing: High Comedy. Take a listen:

Tina: . . . Oh My God! I love you Jessica, you know that!

Jessica: No you don't. I heard you talking with Buffy about my lazy eye. You think I'm a freak.

Tina: Jesus, Jessica, how shallow do you think I am??? Like, I am sooooo able to overlook your deformity.

Jessica: So why did you say to Buffy that'd you'd rather be seen with someone with a cooler deformity, like a goyter!

Tina: OH MY GAWWWWD! So joking!

Jessica: Well, I was hurt by that. My dating life has sooooo taken a hit since this problem developed. I mean I'm sensitive right now. People think I can't focus. They don't think I'm paying attention when there talking.

Tina: I soooo don't think that way. Sure, it took me a little while to get over the fact that you aren't as cool as you once were when you could see normal, but by no means does that make me shallow! I mean, I thought about it, and with your lazy eye, you make me look sooooo hotter!

Jessica: So, like, when you say it like that, it really makes me feel so much better about myself! I mean, I'm doing you a favor by making you look better?

Tina: Tottally

Jessica: I love you, you're like my best friend.

Tina: Oh My God, I would never want to hurt you when your down right now! So how long do you think your eye is going to be like that?

Jessica: I don't know. My doctor says a couple more months. Who knows?

Tina: Doctors can be soooo mean. At least I have a couple of months to look good with you as my side girl. I should get a medal for hanging out with you. That's just the good person I am!

Jessica: Tottally

Tina: So, like, are we cool?

Jessica: Yeah

(girls embrace)

Surf Girls!

MTV's Hottest new show sat down with Wa-Wa for this exclusive one on one interview. Surfs up, Duuuuuuude. Roll a spliff, and let's get on with it!

Wa-Wa Question and Answer:

What was your first exposure to surfing?
My Mom said I had the uncommon girth to be really good at it. Said I had the floatation devices built right in. Little did I know that those waves would still kick my ass!

What made you decide to try it?
So I can wear speedos . . . and to eat those fish tacos in California. Great waves and Fish Tacos? Nope, I can't think of anything better.

What was your first surfing experience like? How much salt water did you swallow?
The Kiddie Pool at Sesame Place. I was 22. I almost drowned. They don't have salt water there, but man, you could choke on the chlorine just like Salt Water!

Anyone else in your family surf? Does Mom shoot the curls?
Nope. We only like to eat at buffets together and talk about how the world has done us wrong. Yes, my Mom does shoot the curls. Her hair is great!

Would you consider dating a girl who doesn't surf?
Can't say I would. I need a woman who is as athletic as myself.

What else do you like besides surfing?
Watch TV. See Pearl Jam concerts. Reading US magazine. Eating Fish Tacos. Riding the Subway at 3 in the morning.

What are the most common misconceptions about surfers?
Surfers are stoners. Which is true, by the way

What do you like best about surfing?
Again, Wearing Speedos. Oh, and eating a rack of ribs after surfing. Mmmm .. . shirtless and eating ribs. CAN YOU SAY HOTTTTT??!?! (That's for my Jordan's little girl, btw)

Explain the difference between a "soul surfer" and a "competitive surfer." Which are you?
Oh, I am a competitive surfer. No one is going to take my wave and take it. NO ONE! Oh, and I have no soul.

What do you want to get out of this competition? What is your ultimate goal?
Make sure I enjoy living for free for a couple of months. Do you have any idea how much free stuff we get?? I just got the brand new Ashanti single just for being on TV. SWEET!

Who do you listen to before you go surfing to pump you up? What's in your CD player now?
Barbara Streisand, Celine Dion, Late 80's Phil Collins. That stuff gets me pumped up!

What was your worst bail ever? What happened?
Worst Bail??? Like someone bailed out on me? Dunno.

What would the surf movie based on your life be called?
Swimming with Sharks

Tatu journeys into Wawa's World

Tatu's Trouble

It looks like yet another gimmick group might bite the dust if rumors are true about the controversial girl-girl act Tatu Reports claim that the dynamic Russian duo could be heading for a major break-up, and it's all because of a brutal power struggle.

Word from behind the scenes reveals that Julia Volkova (the dark-haired one) is so unhappy she may walk away from the act, and Lena Katina (the other one) is upset over the idea that Julia's taken on the role of leader of the band. So much for that unconditional lesbian love.

Oh yeah, and speaking of that, get this ... despite their touchy-feely numbers that allude to the two of them being an item, they've reportedly argued over Julia's professional-karate-chopping boyfriend, Wawa. Boyfriend? Hey, I thought this was a girl-girl kind of thing. What's a dude doing in there?

The Russian news service Pravda reports that the two girls became rivals after they realized they liked the same boys -- and since Julia has a steady boyfriend now, jealousy has reared its ugly head. Wawa, Grand Champion Karate Champion of 2002 in Hong Kong, had this to say: "I love them both. The lesbian thing is soooooo hot. I don't think I'm exclusive to just Julia. Hell, there is enough Wawa to go around for Lena as well"

Tatu producer Ivan Shapovalov had this to say about the whole mess: "When it's hard, when things do not work, people often have a feeling to quit all that and go. This can happen to Julia too. Even if people do something together, they might always want to do something on their own." Wawa added: "It's better when you're not alone."

Well, then, they better get their fake act together, because they're already set for a tour in Turkey, Hungary and Denmark this August, and their new album should be finished by the fall -- if they stay together that is. "I'll be in Denmark to defend my Denmarkian national Karate championship, as well. Still good tickets available!!!" Wawa exclaimed!

Praise the Lord!

Former Cowboy sued over auto repair bill

Career Plans

Picture it: '94, fall, driving up with my parents for 8 hrs. up to Buffalo for my first day of classes. As all young youths, I was relatively clueless about my journey in life (um .. . kind of still am, but I digress). Here is a small snippet of the drive with my father. My mother usually sleeps during these drives.

Dad: Wuh .. .Wawa? What you do in backseat?

Wawa: Huh? Oh, I'm reading Spider-Man 247. He's going to take down Venom in this one. I CAN FEEL IT!

Dad: Wuh . ..You should no read comic book anymore. We discuss future. Career

Wawa: Hmmmm . . . I was kind of thinking of just relaxing first semester and figure myself out.

Dad: Wuh . . . you like fat girl from Facts of Life. She graduate Eastland, she no future plan. She pave ground last 2 seasons of show.

Wawa: I'm a little shocked you know that

Dad: You no only one who watch TV. Mommy and I decide you should be pharmacist. Right, mommy?

Mom: zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Dad: Yes. Follow footstep of family

Wawa: Well, I was thinking about becoming a psychologist. Something with the mind. Can I get back to my reading?

Dad: NO! You listen. . . .psychologist? You see how screw up kids are with psychologist parents? "Why you eat that cereal? Are you having problems expressing self, therefore choosing capt. crunch?" Me no want see Wawa analyze children eating too sugary cereal

Wawa: I'm a little lost on your rationale on this one, Dad. Mom, back me on this, I can be whatever I want.

Mom: Zzzzzzzzzzzzz . . . (drool runs down her face now)

Dad: You read too many comics. You no Psychologist superhero

Wawa: This conversation is over. I'll choose something as I go along. Don't worry about it (put my head back in comic book)

Dad: Psycho superhero (Dad Shakes head in disgust)

Wawifer

Pat O'brien sat down with me and my future bride, J to the Lo for this exclusive interview with Access Hollywood. Take a look:

Wawa & Jen: Fact or Fiction

Since they started dating, Jennifer Lopez and Wa-Wa have cornered the market on magazine covers, but how many of the headlines are true? Wa-Wa and Jen separated the fact from fiction.

"When you're sitting around, do you realize how fascinated America is by you?" Access Hollywood's own Pat O'Brien asked the power couple.

"It's so weird to even hear you say that!" laughed Jen. "No, we don't sit around here and think about that. We sit around here and I play the piano, and we just sing show tunes." "I like Show Tunes" chuckles Wa-Wa

Here's the reality: This pair can't even count on privacy at their Canadian lakeside hideaway, and they're never safe from the relentless rumors.

"Is it hurtful? The whole diva stuff, the entourage?" Pat asked Jen.

"Yeah it can be hurtful," she replied. "I think people are always surprised when I go work on a movie or go do something, when I show up with just me, my cousin, who's my assistant [laughs] and the driver. They're like 'Well where's everybody else?' [laughs] This is it!"

Wa-Wa: "The truth hurts. She makes Britney look like a walk in the park. And the stuff about her ass? Why do you think the new movie is called "Gigli"?

And there's no limit to how ridiculous the gossip can get.

"Another one came out of London and it was like a thread count thing on your sheets," said Pat.

"A 250-thread count, like I had to have that to sleep and I had to have it in every hotel, which is a complete and utter lie!" insisted Jen.

Wawa's not immune either.

"Well, there are all these car rumors..." said Pat.

"Yeah, I somehow have 8,000 cars," said Wawa. "All true. You should see my tricked out Escalade with the X-box. I need the extra room in the back for all her crap. And that Goddamn Entourage of hers? Christ, can the 300 lb. Black man get his own vehicle????"

The "Gigli" Love Scene and the Halle Connection

Wawa and Jen's "Gigli" love scene shows that the couple certainly has plenty of chemistry on-screen as well as offscreen.

"So the first time you kissed was in a movie? The first time you kissed was on screen, right?" "Naaah . .. I nailed her in the trailer" said Wawa.

The passion in "Gigli" goes well beyond the innocent stage during what Access calls the 'yoga scene.'

"Tell me about the yoga scene, which I'm obviously obsessed with," said Pat. "I can't blame him, really. The yoga scene's a big crowd pleaser -- people love it," said Wawa. The scene -- which starts with Jennifer, shall we say, "discussing" the finer points of love -- floored Jennifer when she watched it with Wawa for the first time.

"You were a little terrified?" asked Pat. "I wanted to die!" replied Jennifer.

Wawa also commented on Jen's love scene in the film. "It's hard, she really has no talent in the bedroom or as an actress, so I had to direct her through the whole thing."

Behind Jennifer's on-screen bravery was pure offscreen fear as Pat discovered when speaking to Jen alone. "All I could think about was my dad and what was he gonna think? My Dad already thinks very little of me after Maid in Manhattan. Not to mention, he thought Ralph Fiennes looked better in Red Dragon" Jen told Pat.

Jen and Wawa are falling in love on-screen in "Gigli" and it's clear that they are very much in love offscreen as well. And to think that love may not have had a chance had another superstar not dropped out of "Gigli."

"Have you thanked Halle Berry for dropping out of this movie?" Pat asked Jen. "I should! I should write her a little note now that I think about it," laughed Jennifer. Oscar winner Halle Berry was busy becoming a Bond girl and had to pass on co-starring alongside Wawa in the film.

"I mean you probably wouldn't have gotten close if Halle hadn't dropped out?" Pat asked Ben. "Whoa???? I could have Halle? DID YOU SEE HER IN SWORDFISH?!?!? I have to talk to the directors about this" says Wawa.

Jen and Wawa's pairing created a media sensation. However, the couple welcomes any break from the spotlight. "So how happy were you when Ashton and Demi started dating?" asked Pat. "I'm still pissed that you're telling me that I could have scored with that chocolate honey Halle'"

What Happened on the "Gigli" Set?

Though they had only met casually before at various parties, Wawa and Jennifer only got to know each other when "Gigli" began shooting in December 2001.

"It was like we became friends first, that's the honest to god truth," Jennifer told Pat. "I thought: Slut, but I'd like to tap that ass" explained Wawa.

"Because she was so clueless, I thought "Easy score" Christ, I was voted 'Sexiest Man on the Planet'"Wawa told Pat. "I told him we told each other too much," laughed Jennifer. "He told me about all his ex-girlfriends and everything."

Whether they are teasing each other or sharing a quick secret, Wawa and Jen's love shows no bounds. The two of them feel that that their initial natural comfort zone made shooting "Gigli" a dream, and it shows on-screen.

"It felt like we had good chemistry, you know what I mean, he liked to improv. I could improv back," explained Jennifer. "I had to teach her how to read" retorted Wawa

No denying Wawa and Lopez have great chemistry on and off screen and with "Gigli" they have a love story that is forever etched in movie history.

"When people see this movie, they're going to see that first time that you see each other in the movie, and it looks like you've fallen in love right there," said Pat O'Brien. "Acting, Pat... We should get Academy Awards for that right there," joked Wawa. "Golden Globes at least, SAG Awards, alright People's Choice. For me to drag around her useless carcass. Jesus"

The couple realized it's their off-screen romance which will initially draw many fans to the theater. "Some people will probably see it for that reason, but I hope that once you get in there and start watching the movie that actually they see we're playing people very different people from ourselves."

In "Gigli," both Wawa and Jen play low-level gangsters trying to make the same score, but then it becomes personal, very personal.

"One of the other interesting things about this movie is the whole idea of who wears the pants, kind of goes back and forth. Who does wear the pants?" asked Pat. "In the movie?" asked Jennifer. "No, right here, in this house?" Pat asked. "Ben wears the pants," replied Jennifer. "I like it when Jen wears no pants" explains Wawa

Concert Scare

Here is another recent conversation that I had with my family after receiving a distressing call from my mother before a Pearl Jam concert in Pennsylvania this weekend.

WAWA: Mom, I got your call, is something wrong????

Mom: Yes, here let me put your father on the phone . ..

WAWA: NO ....

Dad: Wuh . .. Wawa?

WAWA: Hi Dad. Are you ok?

Dad: Wuh . .. You hear of suicide bombing at concert in Moscow?

WAWA: Can't say I did. I went last night to the show in Camden, so I missed all the news. Um ... what does that have to do with me?

Dad: Mommy say you go concert all weekend. True?

WAWA: Yeah. I told her that. Where are you going with this?

Dad: I discuss with Mommy. We decide that suicide in Moscow is terrorist attack on youth. You see all the signs. I believe they attack your concert tonight.

WAWA: In Camden New Jersey?

Dad: Yes

WAWA: Have you seen the residents of Camden recently? I get the feeling they would welcome a suicide attack.

Dad: You think I funny. I no laugh.

WAWA: Sorry. Listen, nothing is going to happen tonight. No one is attacking Camden

Dad: You no understand. Terrorist target Youth of America. People with Future.

WAWA: I'm 26

Dad: Wuh .. .Right. You no future. But Youth around you. They die. You die.

WAWA: Um . . . ok. Well, I gotta get something to eat. I'll talk to you when I get back home.

Dad: Wuh .. .if you get back home. Terrorist Network find you.

WAWA: Right. Bye.

Dad: Wuh . . . TERRORIST NETWORK, TERRORIST NETWORK . . .