wawasworld

The New Pop Sensation!

I'm really tired today. 13 hour drive back from Toronto has killed me. And the stop off in Buffalo for wings was not the most brilliant plan ever hatched on my part. I'll have an interesting story tommorrow, I guess. But here's something I came across today. So, while finishing up lunch today, I was reading this little tidbit about my new favorite Popstar, Hillary Duff, star of Lizzie McGuire, Cody Banks (I mean honestly, Frankie Muniz and Angie Harmon? Yeah, My Hil is the star of that movie) and, well, she has more stuff on the way:

Any one saying anything mean about Hilary Duff is a jealuos jerk!(Excuse my language. But they are!) Hilary Duff is the nicest kindest person in the world! She deserves the apsolt best in life! There may be rumors and even some proof but don't make up your mind til you have every side of the story. Nobody's perfect but when it comes to celebritises hilary is vary close to perfect. Think before you say you are Hilary's #1 fanthink I who spend every second thinking about or helping Hilary Duff. Even I who spends all my free time doing these things and even praying for Hilary Duff fall short. So stairt from the heart Hilary Duff rocks!!!!!!!!!!!
Hil's #2 fan
We can't all be #1

Yes, Hillary does deserve the apsolt best life! (sigh) Hilary. Man, I promise this is the last post about Hollywood's young elite (The Olsen twins and Hillary). More later

On The Road

I know the Thousands of you (ok, the 10's of you) will be looking for something on Friday the 27th. Nope, not happening.

On my way to Toronto for show 1 of the PJ tour. Full review of the show on Monday, and my thoughts on Canada (They're basically faux Americans anyways. Just look in the mirror and think of yourself a little less appealing. There, you're Canadian!)

Wa-Wa

That was a joke, btw. I went to school in Buffalo, so I love Canadians! Don't be all sensitive!

Wa-Wa's Search For Looooove

I think my parents are getting a little concerned about my current existence of bachelorhood. Recently, I moved out of my parents house in Scarsdale (Shout out 914-Does that make me 709 times better than Ruben Studdard? Hmmm . . . ), and they had these list of complaints about my current apartment:

1) (In deep asian accent): "Wuh. . . Roommate White. No asian influence"
2) "Wuh . . . Carpet disgusting. Mommy and I get new carpet in bedroom"
3) "Wuh . . . now move out, we get girl for you"

Ahhhh . .. and on to my search for looooove. Could there be anything more awkward than that conversation with the folks? Honestly, I'm 26 but I still have that conversation with the units (I refer to them as parental units. Hey, that's what they are!) So recently, I checked in with my Dad after week 2 of living in the new and improved Wa-Wa's world (Which means out of my parents house). Here is a transcript of that conversation:

Wa-Wa: "Hey Dad. How's everything"

Dad: "Wuh . . . Thing's good. We no talk about Mommy and me. We talk you"

Wa-Wa: "Um . . .not much to say. I had a Cutlet sandwich tonight for dinner"

Dad: "Wuh . . . no we talk girls"

Wa-Wa: "Really Dad, I don't want to have this conversation with you"

Dad: "You son, I father. You take advice"

Wa-Wa: "Dude, I love Mom, but I really don't think you should be giving me advice on women"

Dad: "Me no dude. Me your Dad. Like I say before: We get you girl"

Wa-Wa: "Oh Gooood. Can you leave me alone" (At this point, my voice usually cracks and I sound like a 16 year old girl when Parents say no to using the car)

Dad: "Wawa, you like Thai girl? We get Thai Girl for Wawa"

Wa-Wa: "God, if you have any mercy, YOU WILL KILL ME NOW!"

Dad: "What? You no like Thai girl? Wa-Wa, Roots, Wa-Wa, Don't forget Roots!"

Wa-Wa: "Thanks Dad, uh . . .mail order not for me"

Dad: "You no understand. Obedient, Quiet. Perfect woman"

Wa-Wa: "Yeah, uh . . no . . . I gotta go." (Wa-Wa prepares noose around neck. Climbs chair)

Dad: "Wuh . . . You think about what Dad says. You understand one day"

(Stacey H.-Thanks for being the brilliant inspiration for this story!)

Ask Mary-Kate and Wawa-Part 2

Mary-Kate and her sister Wa-Wa return to answer a serious question about underwear:

My Buddy Writes:

So saturday we all went out, and this girl Samantha
came along who is an intern for the
summer. She kinda knows my buddy Ross through some friends.
So me and her ended up kinda hooking up at the
bar

so anyway we all go back to ross's and ross goes
up and passes out and me and Samantha are left to
ourselves down on the couch. So we do our little thing
and I drive her home around 6 when we wake up. I get a
call from Ross the next morning asking what happened?
He said him and bob (his roommate) were cleaning up and they found
something in the couch. The were trying to get to the
bottom of why there was female undergarments in their
couch! I asked, "are they red and white?", Ross
responded "yes".

Can I ask you guys, how do you forget
to put on your underwear? Doesnt it feel different?
Why would you leave your underwear at some guys house?

So apparently she called Ross and left a message last
night, ..."Samantha left a voice message on my cell
phone asking us to throw away
what we found in our couch"....
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Do you think the next outing will be awkward for her?
Hehee, I just do not understand how you forget to put
your undwear on.

Mary-Kate: As I mentioned in our previous post, 'The Challenge' will be released in November and was filmed on location in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The scenery was gorgeous and we had a great time playing Lizzie (that's WA-WA) and Shane (that's Mary-Kate), opposite twin sisters who compete on a TV game show. The movie has special meaning for us because it's the last direct-to-video feature that we're starring in before we begin our big-screen careers with a feature film shooting this summer!

Wa-Wa and I have decided for a more mature "adult" look for this film, so I can tottally see where this girl is coming from. I will also be foregoing underwear for this film, so it's really important for people to understand that I'm blossoming as a grown-up and not just living in a vacuum. We can't be 17 forever! What do you think, Wa-Wa?

Wa-Wa: Sounds like the leaving the Underwear behind is similar to Costanza leaving his fur hat behind in the girls apartment. You've done a fine job here, buddy, in finding the right girl for you. Unfocused. Likes to booze. Doesn't believe in the restricting forces of underwear. But, I hope you did the right thing, young man, and told those crazy "friends" of yours to throw away that underwear. We don't want your friends to get the wrong idea about this girl, do we now, Buddy?

Mary-Kate: I think Buddy should invite her to his next back to the beach party!

Wa-Wa: You are so right, Mary-Kate. So right.

What Marriage has done to my friends

Here is a response from my friend to an e-mail about planning a trip to Vegas in October:

Wa-Wa:

Melissa expressed some concerns over this Vegas trip. Her concerns focused mostly on the fact that she did not want me to go. Period.

P

That about says it all.

Pearl Jam Parking Lot

As many of you may know, I have a disease. I love Pearl Jam. They are the Gods of me. Not quite sure why. The music is rather derivative of 70's arena rock and punk, but I love it all the same. However, I am not the only ones who have this sickness. There are thousands of us! Here are some of the signs that you are in a Pearl Jam Parking Lot or line. Think Star Trek Convention:

1) Everyone is speaking a language that makes no sense to anyone but hardcore PJ fans.
2) Everyone has a beat up PJ T-Shirt from a previous tour (I myself have 14 such shirts. SCORE!)
3) None of these people have ever kissed a girl. (I did just recently move out of my parents basement, though!)

So before I start my tour following PJ this week, I have written down a transcript of what a Pearl Jam Fanclub ticket line sounds like (Pearl Jam sells fanclub concert tickets to all members. So basically, all shows are about 10,000 people from the night before):

Nelson: What's up, Dan. Setlist last night was unbelievable.

Dan: Yeah, maaaaan. They played "Do the Evolution" 2nd instead of in the encore. They haven't done that since Philly 3 nights ago!!!!

Nelson: The intensity, the intensity. I could feel it in my chest. I was on the message board before I hit the arena. They said Eddie's gotta a little bit of a cold. Blowing his nose all last night. You notice that?

Dan: Yeah, dude. I wonder if he can bring the thunder tonight. Reminds me of when Jeff got that cold in Columbus in the '96 tour. Man, he couldn't even hold the upright bass up during 'Daughter' that night. I'm a little under the weather myself. I think I caught a cold when Eddie sneezed on me.

Nelson: Whoa, you were front row last night in Toronto?

Dan: Yeah. I didn't tell you? With the whole SARS scare, most people got scared off. I was able to sneak up. Man, I haven't been that close since MSG 2 in '98

Dan and Nelson together: When they played Breath for the first time in 3 years!!!

Dan: Whoa, bad luck for Seven years. We ain't never going to hear 'Breath' ever again!

(Random Fan): Look at this line!!! My only show of this year, and i have to wait forever!!! Man, it shouldn't be this way. Christ, it's not '95 or anything like that. They can't sell out a stadium or anything like that.

Nelson: WHOA! THEY COULD PLAY STADIUMS IF THEY WANTED TO! THEY JUST CHOOSE NOT TO!

Dan: If you don't get the magic, that's your problem, not ours. You tell him Nelson.

(Dan and Nelson High Five)

American Film Institute Honors: Wa-Wa

On Monday, June 23rd, 2003, The American Film Institute honored an acting legend: Wa-Wa. With such films as "Raging Wa-Wa", "Meet the Wa-Wa's Parents" and "Good Wa-Wa's", there is no question, NO QUESTION, there can only be one acting legend. Let's hear from some of his peers who presented at this awards show:

Leonardo Dicaprio: I remember first meeting Wa-Wa. I was auditioning for his true life story "Wa-Wa: A Fishing Story." I was reading for the part when he was a teen on a fishing boat. This was going to be my first major part in a movie after my starring role in "Growing Pains" (Audience rises to there feet to applaud). No, no, this is Wa-Wa's night. Anyways, like I was saying, this was a key role for my career. So I went into that room, prepared to read the part where Wa-Wa took on the Giant Sea-Bass that enveloped his family. I scrunched up my face and I screamed at Martin Scorssesse and Wa-Wa: "I'm Going TO GET THAT FISH!!!!!" Silence in the room. I looked over at Wa-Wa on the couch. He peered up with his intense eyes, grinned, then had a look of befuddlement. He said the words that would change my career: "Leo, why are you here? You're not asian" Wow. Powerful stuff. Wa-Wa taught me about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. For that, Wa-Wa, I tip my hat to you. Thanks for being a friend, an asian, and most of all, a mentor (Audience Cheers)

James Woods: Me and Wa starred in this little film called "Octuwawa" I remember going out with Wa for a few beers after the first day of shooting. We got loaded, but there was something interesting about Wa. For such a large asian, he could only drink 2 beers and he was drunk (Camera turns to Wa-Wa. He mouths the words: "I'm a cheap date!" Crowd laughs with approval). Oh, yes you are, yes you are! But as we were walking back to the hotel, I realized he was sober. Wa-Wa had stayed in character for the entire night out. If you remember, Octuwawa was all about a drunk super spy who enjoyed his Pina Colada's "Shaken not stirred." I learned a real lesson that night: Stay in character. You are a brilliant, brilliant man, Wa-Wa. God Bless You.

Wa-Wa: First off, I would like to thank my peers in this room for honoring me in such a special way tonight. From Blythe Danner in "Meet The Wa-Wa's" to Joe Pesci in "Good Wa-wa's" all the way to the Key Grip in "Raging Wa-Wa" you have all meant so much to me. Even more importantly, I would like to thank the fans for giving me such a wonderful life. My beautiful wife and kids . . .well, I don't have a wife and kids, but believe me, I would thank them if I did. You have helped to shape the career, the actor, and most importantly the man. Good Night to you. Good Night, Classy Freddie Blassie (The wrestling manager from the 80's who just passed away).

(Audience rises to there feet)

Writer's Block

Ok, guys, I got nothing today. It hurts. So instead, I will give you a summation of my weekend:

1) Friday: Went to Dinner at Chevy's. Nice food, greasy floor. Kind of felt like Ice Skating. It's like they took a vat of butter and dumped it on the floor. Met an amazing girl who loves Radiohead, Blur, R.E.M. etc. SO AWESOME! Alas, my friend has not come through with a number. That's right, I'm calling you out.

2) Saturday: Bachelor Party. I don't think I need to say much more than that. I'll have a story about that this week, I hope.

3) Sunday: Mets/Yankees. Do I really care? Nope, not really. Maybe Benitez could be a little more useless!! Even his cap was sweating from the pressure. Nasty.

And that's it. Hopefully I have something inane and stupid to tell you this week. I hate personal posts.

Wa-Wa

Bitter Take On The Truth

wa-wa
I can be just as dirty as Christina.
remember when we Frenched?
or when I talked dirty to you over the phone telling you things like "oooh your haircut makes me want to dance, or your clothes make me want to do crunches"

This piece of mail comes from one BRITNEY SPEARS after my recent interview with Christina Aguilera and Rolling Stone. Listen, Brit, our time has come and gone. Just because I teamed up with your arch-nemesis Christina for the HOTTEST TOUR OF THE SUMMER, does not give you the right to continue to call me or post on my busy site. This W Train has left the station and you, my dear, are not on it.

I, on the other hand, have my eyes on a finer prize. Something a little more, let's say, vintage? That's right. I'm buying my ticket into the Demi lottery. And why not? With my boy band good looks and obvious weight advantage over "Kelso," I'm sure to woo her with a candlelit dinner at the Ponderosa. And I, too, will have my own hidden camera show. Once I get off this summer's tour, I will go straight into production of "CHUNK'D" It will be premiering on the food network. Think Candid Camera thrown into a blender with The Iron Chef. So, Demi, as Vanilla Ice said in Cool as Ice, "Lose the zero, and get with the hero"

"YOU'VE JUST BEEN CHUNK'D"

Kissing a Mormon

Yup, it's story time. In my last post titled "Getting to Know Wa-wa" I alluded to the worst date of my life. That would be dating a mormon for 8 months (which in all honesty was probably 4, but if you're trying to score with a mormon, it sure does feel like 8). I, in fact, respect Mormons. They have deep moral values, that they ACTUALLY STICK TO! Yup, if you curse, smoke, drink caffeinne, chances are, you're going to hell. No rosary or Rabbi is going to save you. No Hail Mary's. NOTHING! Now, if you knew this is a fact (and I think Mormons actually do know this as a fact), would you curse, smoke or drink caffeine if you knew you were going to spend eternity burning in hell? I think not. That's their (I KNOW ABOUT MY GRAMMAR) story, and they're sticking to it. So I have some admiration for the religion as a whole. The consistency involved is overwhelming. But do you know what the saddest part for people who aren't mormon? That this may be the best set of good-looking people on the planet, and no one knows it! Seriously, Utah must be a blond, blue eyed heaven. It's like the Sweden of the United States.

Just imagine, though, you're in college, and you want to score (In the words of Robert Plant: DO YA WANNA SCORE?), chances are you don't try with the Mormons. But while Mormons are mormons, Wa-Wa is a Woron. Yup, I tried for the impossible dream. I tried climbing Mt. Everest. I tried to break the Titanium chastity belt. I tried with a Mormon.

To protect the innocent (HI SARA!), I will change the name of the innocent (HI SARA!). Let me think of a name .. ..um . . . Sara. That works. So here is a complete transcript of one of our first dates. Strangely enough, making my early rant even more pointless, Sara was the exception to the rule of Mormonism: She wasn't blond or blue eyed, and she wasn't actually a Mormon when she was born! She converted. That's like saying: Hey. life isn't fun anyways, so can you burn my toes while you're at it? This story is not for the faint of heart, so please, if you have a heart condition or are colorblind, look away:

Wa-Wa: Um . . . uh . . . so uh what did you think of the movie?

Sara: Wa-Wa, do you really think Dead Man Walking is really appropriate for a first date?

Wa-Wa: Sure. Doesn't a light hearted film about the death penalty get you . . .hehehe . . . in the mood? (Wa-Wa edges closer in his rusty '83 Honda)

Wa-Wa: OW! I think I hurt my hip on the stick! (Wa-Wa rubs injured hip)

Sara: (Sara leans over) Are you ok?

Wa-Wa: I think so. (Warren moves in closer)

Sara: Are you trying to make a move on me, Mr. Sethawatchamacallit?

Wa-Wa: Um . . . Should I?

Sara: Well, the injuring the hip thing, don't you think that's well, a little juvenile?

Wa-Wa: Believe me, you don't know the 1/2 of it!

Sara: Well, Ok, I guess one little kiss won't hurt

Wa-Wa: GRRRREEAT!

(She leans in. Wa-Wa's thinking he's going to get a little action. .. and . . . )

Wa-Wa: What the hell? A kiss on the cheek????

Sara: WE ARE SINNERS!!!!!! I must go . . . bwwwwaaaaah . .. (She slams open the door and runs out)

Wa-Wa: Dammit, I sure thought Dead Man Walking was the way to go. (sigh)

(BTW-Her name actually wasn't Sara, so she's safe from recognition from my legion of fans)